Life Stress

Wow, I am terrible at maintaining a steady stream of posts here.

In my defense, we have alot going on; with the end of the school hoopla, the activities after school-the oldest one working now (!!!) and with our big move, I can barely remember what Speedo tells me on a daily basis.



(The pic is a photo op of me pretending to aid in the demo process.)


The move is affecting us all. And we haven't even moved yet. The idea of the move is putting some stress on us all, probably in equal degrees, but we all have different worries. The children are stressed because the house is in such disrepair, and they are too young to toss on "vision goggles." The times I have brought them over, all they see is a big yellow mess. They wonder how on earth we're going to live there. I try and explain, "Wow, all those new wires, that's great! The electrician has made us a nice little box for our TV and computers, and look! Those are outlets to plug in our Christmas light this year..." and they just stare blankly, and then run off outside. It's too much for them. They don't see it.


The nights have been sleepless with little people coming in our room often.....snuggling, having a bad dream, needing to be near us, in between us..... on top of us. Ugh. Two adults in a king size bed is almost perfect. A newborn mixed in IS perfect. But, don't jump to conclusions, we don't have a newborn, nor will we again, but that is a delicious bed. But toss in a squirmy toddler, a 6 yr old bed hog and a 2nd grade smotherer, and it gets a little bit hard to get some shut eye.


I see the stress of the upcoming move with Betsey in her numbers. They are a little bit crazy at times, the stress taking over, my seemingly careless attitude about homework and goings on at school while I crunch numbers for our budget on the new house, make oodles of emails and phone calls following up with contractors.... Her sugars go a little off.


And she sleeps restless.


Saturday morning I had another clif shot overdose incident. I got up and got ready for a lengthy solo run, downed some delicious clif shots, checked out my ipod mix, laced my sneaks.... and I heard Libby telling me from upstairs that Betsey needed me.


I knew right away.


She only needs me in the morning upon waking if she is high.


I jolt up the stairs find her tossing and turning holding her head and tummy simultaneously as she says, "no...no noooo."


I grab her DB and test her right away.


305!


Yikes. As I reach for her pump, I notice her site has been disconnected - a problem we've never had with this pump and site. I immediately instructed Speedo to grab the vial of insulin, the needles, a new site, and all the extra goodies we need to start the ketone flush/remedy process. Her insulin cartridge was also almost empty.


I bypassed the pump and gave her a shot in her arm to help get her sugars down fast. We changed her site, put on a temporary rate of extra insulin to really flush those ketones out, which she obviously had- the nausea.


Betsey ended up throwing up, par for the course, and felt better by noon. I didn't get my run in. The extra caffeine and sugars in my clif shots served me well as I got some more packing done and did some extra speedy housework.


Stress does crazy things.



I like a little bit of stress - things to keep me moving, but too much of it is not a good thing, as with anything. Clif shots included.

Sweet Dreams

Betsey came into my room the other morning, a rare occasion in the mornings during the mad dash for the buses, breakfasts and last minute paper signings, hair do-ing, and general chaos. The older 3 girls are always in a hustle and bustle in their morning routines, it's seldom we chat about more than "Did you brush your teeth?" "Is your homework done for sure?" "Don't forget to make your beds please!" "Please pack at least 1 fruit and veggie in your lunches."

That last one, that reminder about good-eats, I swear is followed with an eye roll, as they're stuffing cookie crumbs and granola bars and other snack yummies into their bags.

So as I was doing my foofoo, I heard Betsey approach, notifying me about a dream she had last night that was "so cool." She got my attention.

She wasn't dressed yet, still adorned with bed head and looking warm and cozy in one of my old race tshirts, baggie jammie bottoms and that morning sleepy-eye that only kids call pull off.

"I had this dream, it was so cool. I was at a party, and they were serving candy, and I could just eat it for dinner. There were skittles, and twix and all sorts of chewies and it didn't matter, I could eat all of it."

I listened, watching her gi-normous baby blues dancing as she told me, practically drooling about all that sugar. The first thing I did was smile at her. A happiness smile, like a smile that was warm and reached out to her as if I could wrap her up and that dream and my smile could make it all better. The second thing I did, was ask her a question. With a side glance and a smirk I said, "Did you bolus?"

She smirked back at me and said, "I don't remember."

She felt the need to share with me that she had a food dream where diabetes didn't play a role. Bolusing wasn't dreamt about, her pump wasn't there, and it was a sugar feast!

We had Betsey's check up at Yale last week. We met with Dr. Jen-the diabetic doctor, which is always so enlightening. I respect all of the clinicians at Yale, I take all of their advice and use it, but there is something to be said for receiving advice from someone who has "been there, done that" and I find it reassuring. It's like a mother telling you how to parent one of your children based on experience they've had babysitting the same age child, but not been down that road as a mother themselves. Though, I find the nurses at Yale to be more equipped with Betsey's diabetes even if they don't have it than advice on parenting from the peanut gallery.

Betsey's A1c was a stunning 6.2 - down several points from 3 months ago, and such a good, good thing!! I was so happy and so was she. The smile she gives me at these visits is an "I told you so" and she looks so darn beautiful when she looks at me like that. I see her father's kindness and my smugness all mixed into her loveliness. We discussed her not wearing her medic alert, something that is like a seat belt for her. The doctor explained the importance of it, and of course, coming from anyone but Mom, it sounds better, and whaddya know? She's been wearing her dog tag necklace ever since. :)

We're heading for big adventures in our house in the coming months-we are moving and the house we've bought is a doozy and needs oodles of TLC. I will be looking forward to training rides for the JDRF ride in July to help keep my mind level with all the work we have ahead of us! The time is nearing and I have to sign up...... With the upcoming move, I have put all plans for any races on hold and will offically call it an "off season." I'll do the 100 mile ride and some road races, but no big events for me this year.

Life is busy. Life is good-Betsey had another great check up and at least in her dreams, she doesn't need to worry about counting carbs and bolusing!

Sweet Easter Dinner

I made a reservation yesterday at a restaurant down the street for our Sunday Easter Dinner. The 8 of us started this tradition a few years ago, after Speedo's Grammie passed. It's almost always just us, but one time my mother came along as she was recently divorced and another year my 3 sisters, 1 with her brood of children came. We usually ride bikes or walk, depending on how late we're running, but it's really only less than 1/2 a mile away. One year we rode bikes, I was 7 months pregnant with #6! With a large tummy and a full one after a big meal, it was almost impossible to ride that bike home!

When Speedo reminded me to call the restaurant to reserve us a table, the first thing that came to my mind is a still image of us around a round table. Betsey is next to me, Speedo a couple seats around the table, and I have my arms in the air, one hand cautiously holding a vial of insulin, the other a syringe. The look on my face is almost panic.

Did we look that unsure, that scared and nervous to an outsider? The couple at the next table over? The family across from us? I don't know. All I remember from that Easter was the little bit of panic I felt about bringing Betsey out to eat, to a restaurant, making sure we remembered everything she needed. At the time, we didn't live here, so close to the restaurant, but a mere 7 minutes farther.

But we were only 1 month into her diagnosis. We brought with us a notebook, a 5 subject notebook, that we recorded what she ate, the time she ate, the carbs consumed, the insulin given and at what time. And we called Yale daily. We'd go over that notebook page for the day with them, discuss what to give her for insulin the next morning, the next night, all the while trying to make sure her carb intake was about the same at each meal, each snack so her insulin doses could be properly figured out. She was still in the "honeymoon" phase - a period of time, usually about a year after diagnosis, where the body is still making insulin, but not in enough quantities to properly aid the body. And nothing consistent, so dosing through injections was a tricky thing. And I knew nothing.

Nothing.

I think we brought about 4 syringes with us. We only needed 1. We had the 2 vials of insulin; humulin, the long lasting to cover her through the night and humalog, the fast acting to cover the carbs she'd be eating right away.

1 shot. 1 syringe. 4 extra just in case.

Well it was a good thing we had the just in case-ers. I could not draw up her dosage properly. I broke one of the needles off, I dropped another, and the 3rd try I knew I had to get it otherwise we'd be really pushing our luck. Even though the drive home was not far, I felt like I needed to have that last syringe available in the event of an emergency.

But the 3rd didn't do it. I don't remember what I did. Maybe I didn't know which of the vials I had drawn from for the first dose... I forget honestly. But I was always afraid of giving too much of one, and not enough of the other.

I was getting so frustrated, scared, angry... worrying about offending people with the needle, what would they be thinking I was doing? Giving her the shot in public like that, another child seeing... Betsey's embarrassment over having to expose her arm for a shot.... all just to eat. Betsey's mother was creating a scene without even trying. My face was flushed, my hands sweaty.

Speedo convinced me to calm down. Think. Just think and do it.

Now, if Betsey needs a shot or to bolus with her pump or to test, we do it whenever, wherever, no matter. It's like breastfeeding had become to me; I have more than 8 years breastfeeding under my belt and after #3 I would nurse anywhere without even thinking about it; making dinner, grocery shopping, vacuuming, at any doctor's office, restaurant, playdate, anywhere. Except driving.

Of course we got it done. And we ate. We had our first Easter with Betsey as a diabetic. Seems silly. But there's a divide in our lives, for all of us, with events.

Before the wedding. Before the engagement. Before the move. Before the baby.

Before diabetes.

Most of what we talk about Betsey is as a diabetic. But on occassion, the stories come up from before March 13, 2005, and as we say, "Before Betsey had diabetes."

We all are very much looking forward to Easter Sunday this weekend and our little family tradition. It's simple. It's fun. It's easy and it's a great memory each time. Each year it's a little sweeter.

No pun intended.

(That cartoon at the top, by the way, is one of my favorites! It makes me giggle every time I see it.)

JDRF Ride To Cure, 2010

I have officially decided to sign up for the Ride To Cure, Burlington VT 2010 this year!

I hope to visit the website this week and fill in the form to register and start my fundraising page. I totally appreciate all the donations last year, and my goal will be the same this year -$3000! I have a few ideas of how to raise the funds, but if you have any, please pass them along! Asking for $ is so hard in this day in age, especially with our economy the way it is.

Details, training stories, and a link to the fundraising page coming soon...

1 Year & 5 Year Anniversary

I started this blog a little over a year ago today, March 13, 2009, 4 years prior that Betsey was diagnosed with type 1.

And our world as we knew it changed forever.

Today, 5 years later, my day was packed full from the minute I woke up until now, as I sit here wanting to document another "day in the life" and such an important marking in our family history. It was so busy, I only had a few moments to even think about sitting and writing about today and my thoughts on "5 years later with a daughter with type 1."

I took the day off from my training routine that has begun - not in earnest , unfortunately - my heart is not there yet as the weather still is not cooperating enough here in New England for me to get outside on my bike. So I have upped my swimming and running but slacked on the bike part. My first big race is the Half Ironman in June, REV3, the one Amy & I did last year. I feel comfortable enough in knowing what's expected of my body come that time and I feel like I have a safe couple more weeks to "slack" before I really stick to the plan.

Two-thirds of the children had CCD, but we picked them up early because Betsey had a bar mitzvah to go to right after CCD and needed to dress herself up, which at her age, natural young beauty to her advantage, calls for a strings of chunky pearls, matching earrings, a lovely plain dress and that killer smile. If only it was that easy for all of us!

I wanted to drive Betsey to the synagogue to quickly brief the mother about Betsey, make her aware of her situation. I knew she'd probably be crazy with getting everyone adjusted, so many children from the boy's class as well as family and friends attending. I took her aside briefly, had her recognize Betsey, make sure she knew if Betsey needed to eat during the service, that it was OK.

"Absolutely. Ben's Dad is a diabetic, so we know all about this!"

"Umm, really?"

"Yes. So we understand."

I am always skeptical when someone "understands" because most diabetes discussed are type 2.

"Type 1?" I ask.

"Oh yes, he wears a pump and everything. Yes, I understand," she said with a warm smile.

Well no kidding. Here I was a little panicky about leaving her, for the day (pick up was at 5pm, the whole day later!) thinking back and forth about staying, having Speedo pop in, double checking with 2 of her friends to make sure they knew what to do in the event of an emergency.....and the mother of the boy was reassuring me because she knew all about it.

"OK, so if she needs to eat..."

"We have clif bars, all sorts of things, she can 'crinkle' during the service with Ben's dad if she has to," she said smiling at Betsey making a gesture with her hands as if to unwrap a noisy wrapper.

HUGE heavy sigh.

I left with a skip in my step. Someone else was reassuring me it was going to be OK. Another step towards letting go.

Betsey's younger sister Greta had her birthday party at a gymnastics place this afternoon so we prepped for that in between Betsey's drop off, tied up loose ends and then I was off for the party.

Betsey's other sister Libby had a date with her Auntie for a mani/pedi for her Birthday, and I managed to sneak in a small cat nap for 1/2 an hour while Greta looked through her goodies from her friends with the littlest, Margot.

We had dinner plans with Rolo and her family tonight and I have been flat out exhausted with some house stuff we have going on.... another story.

The nap served me well.

Betsey texted me a few times to check in; her sugar had spiked to 481 (!!!) later in the afternoon... "There was lots of candy on the table, I bolused, so yea..." was her text when I said "WHAT?!"

It was the dress-- every time she wanted to eat,her pump was hooked on her boxer shorts under her dress and she didn't want to have to access it, so in went the candy, and never an insulin to cover. Uh huh.

And then Rolo called to tell us her power was out and her cooking had come to a halt. The weather is downright hurricane-ish tonight; winds blowing trees down and horizontal rains. So we stayed home, popped in Mary Poppins for the littles and donned our comfiest jammies.

All day, my thoughts came and went about Betsey, not only because she was away from me all day, in someone else's hands that I didn't even know, but the remembering of her diagnosis day. When I texted her after she was at the bar mitzvah that it was 5 years ago today, she said, "Really? wow." She hadn't realized. Last year she did. This year, it was just another day.

Not to me though. It's never just another day. It's the day I remember as a blow. A whirlwind. A disaster. A complete shock and state of confusion. A whole boat load of sadness and fear.

But I was soooo busy today. From the minute I got my lazy bum out of bed at 6:30 until now, I have kept my mind busy busy busy. Not much time to dwell on the sadness of the reality.

And I think that's a good thing. I am learning to cope with it better. Learning to accept it....not like it, but accept it. It is as it is. I can not change it but I can work with it and deal with it.

And the rain today-well perfectly suited for a diagnosis date for Betsey. Oddly enough, as much as it is so yucky and miserable out, it is Betsey's favorite weather.

Ironic.

It's all in how you look at things, and you make them what you want them to be.

Betsey, my sugary sweetie, I love you to bits.

Happy (belated) Birthday to Tucker!

Betsey's only brother turned 8 on February 20th!

Shockingly handsome isn't it?

Life's Curve Balls....(public pep talk)

Every once in a while I have to step back and thank God, literally, for what I have and who I have in my life.

I have a supportive, caring, deeply committed -albeit flirty- husband in Speedo (coming up on 14 years-holy wow!), 6 beautiful, witty and charismatic children, an army of friends that graciously pick me up emotionally as needed, listen to me, respect and trust me, laugh with me and cry with me, and I, likewise, offer them the same. I often wonder at how I got where I am.

My children, those that are old enough to understand, know "the story" - or part of it anyway - and know that choices I made were not good ones. I use my story as an example of what NOT to do! :)

I became an emancipated minor when I was almost 17 -basically divorced my parents, and for not a reason I care to share, because, hind sight, oy vey-it really was a dumb reason that pushed me to that point. I brought them to court, stood before the judge and convinced him I was capable of being an emancipated minor. He bought it, hook, line and sinker, and granted me the freedom I so desperately wanted back then.

I lived in many places during those times; other people's rentals until they kicked me out because I wasn't contributing to their rent, friends houses until their moms said I should just go home, backs of cars, hotels with random people I met. I showered wherever I could if I wasn't sleeping in a place where a shower was an option. Often times I "bathed" in a nearby lake.

I worked 2 jobs to support myself back then, and used what money I made to "get by" and by "getting by" I mean a handful of devil dogs for the day, a couple packs of smokes and someones willingness to drive me from point A to point B and not want gas money. I made ends meet, and it worked for me.

These are all choices I made, all choices I lived with and I was happy enough to come and go as I pleased. I wasn't really going anywhere...I was living day to day, hour to hour, "having fun." I was happy enough doing what I was doing. Life was about making it to the next day.

The summer I was 18 was when I found out I was pregnant. I was tubing on the Connecticut River late one warm summer day.

This changed my life forever. Just 18 years old. Pregnant. No real place to call "home." Talk about a dilemma!

There are many pieces to the story of what happened to me from the time I ran away from home at 16 until the day Hayley turned 6 months old, and many more, much happier times after that milestone. I had an interesting spell of years during that time, a time I wouldn't change for the world because it made me the woman I am today, the mother that I am, the friend that I have become. Those years shaped me in ways I am still discovering to this day. I share bits and pieces as the time seems fit, and with only a select few I am close enough to trust with my deepest secrets. Those I know won't judge, won't ask too many questions and just listen as I share.

I chose to turn my life around when Hayley was born. I chose to grow up prematurely and be the mom I always thought I should be the day I would be so lucky to have children. I chose to drag my a$$ out of the gutter and make something for this beautiful little person who looked at me and only knew love. Speedo always right by my side, offering his hand and gentle help.

Oh those times were tough alright. I cried many nights wondering how the hell I was ever going to be able to make it as a mom. It wasn't about me anymore, I had a little human being depending on me and needing me.

Life throws curve balls all the time. It's what you choose to do with them that counts.

Where am I going with this??

I'm pep-talking myself.

Remember Meghan? You can do this! You overcame one other obstacle, a big one...you can overcome this one....It's how you choose to deal with this diabetes dilemma....

Betsey's diabetes diagnosis was a curve ball. We're still swinging at it, sometimes making contact, sometimes striking out. But we always get another chance. Right now, it is a series of curve balls, and we're not walking any bases--we are striking out every time! I know it'll work itself out one of these days... I know it. But I'm finding myself frustrated, at a loss, and like I'm constantly talking to a brick wall.

Just a curve ball. Life. We're going to get through this one....

Clinic: Happy Tid Bits

We visited Yale last week for Betsey's 1st check up in 2010! It was one of the better visits - for both of us. Her A1c is 6.7 which is really great, again, and I'm happy about it. It is up from last time, but under that magical number of "7" that they like to keep it. It's a lot of work to keep that number down, I tell ya. It's lots of nagging, lots of adjusting and constant management. It's doable. It's a lot, but doable.

We met with a doctor who, incidentally, is a type 1 diabetic herself and Betsey admitted to me after, she liked that a lot. Betsey, she-of-little-words-in-public-but-the-loudest-at-home didn't say much during the visit (shocker) but she listened, watched and felt a connection. I could tell she was comfortable because she didn't hesitate as she normally would when asked to show her site areas which requires her to drop her drawers. But because Dr. Jen stood and motioned to areas on her own self where she wears sensors and sites, Bets kind of relaxed her shoulders. A silent sigh of relief sort of.

Again, I always leave clinic with a new Tid Bit of information. When I leave with more than 1 Tid Bit, it makes me a happy mom-of-a-diabetic-daughter. No pat-pat, but I do a pretty good job of regulating Betsey. I am on it. Too on it sometimes, I know. And I feel like I know what I'm doing. I like that. I think there are certain things you do in life and you have to have the confidence in order to do them well. I read oodles when Betsey was diagnosed, listened often, googled lots, asked many many questions, probably to the point of being annoying. On the ride to the hospital when she was diagnosed, I called my sister in law's (Lactaid) father who is an endocrynologist and with pad and pen in hand, took notes as her gave me the diabetes 101 so I knew what to ask in the ER, what to look for, what to do....

I wanted to be armed with what I needed to know. And I have so much more to learn.

Obviously. I love being put in my place. Honest. It's humbling.

Betsey was having a low kind of day that day-- dropping low constantly, despite eating the normal foods, no excessive exercise the day before, nothing of note to indicate possible low blood sugars. In the course of the morning, she had dropped low 5x, and was never over 110. Several blood sugar checks in the office in front of the DR.

Dr. Jen mentioned the benefits of temporary rate settings on the pump and asked if we utilized that feature on the pump; which we do. Often. Its' one of the features we find to be key in managing blood sugar levels during the day. And she suggested a temp rate b/c sometimes those lows just keep on comin' and you need a temp rate.

Whenever I've been in clinic with Betsey, and I have to suggest her to test, do something with the pump, anything that is diabetes related, I feel eyes watching me. Not judging, but watching. Kind of like a mentor witnessing a student delivering information that has been passed on to them.

When I think a temporary rate is needed, I do a very quick "equation" in my head-- I consider any meals she has eaten that day, any activities coming in the next hours, foods that will or will not be eaten, blood sugar patterns during that same time on previous days... and from all those gathered bits of info, I make a decision about what the temp rate should be. I told Bets the temp rate to put on (the % of her basal to cut) and then the duration to enter. Almost in the same breath, Dr. Jen, a diabetic herself with the same pump and knows about a low blood sugar day, offers her suggestion to me with a great explanation as to why, and what she knows and has seen and dealt with, not only with herself but all the diabetics in the practice etc etc etc. The look I gave her must have caused her a moment of "oops, did I overstep?" I smiled so big. I felt so good at that moment. I love constructive criticism and learning. And I wouldn't even call her explanation constructive criticism, but rather just an educated, experienced explanation and re-direction. I was so excited. Tid Bit #1. A new understanding of temporary rates.

We did some basal adjustments which I try and manage on my own going over info on Betsey's pump from her sensor as well as the numbers we log daily. But an experienced professional sees the things I don't see or know to look at and makes adjustments with some crazy mathematical equation based on total daily dose of insulin and the insulin given for correction vs for food, etc. It's fascinating. It's like one big science experiment. Tid Bit #2.

When "any more questions?" was asked I brought up the swimming issue. 2 of Betsey's siblings have started swim lessons and Betsey would also like to participate, but I have this dilemma with the swim thing and Betsey. The water, the swimming... whatever it is, it makes her sugar plummet. Just last week we went to the pool after lunch to swim as a family and she had forgotten to bolus for her lunch. Checking her sugar before the swim, she was 350+! Normally we'd correct that, but since she would be swimming, I knew better and to leave it. I had Betsey climb out and test an hour later-125ish. BIG drop. Knowing we'd be leaving shortly there after, I let her hop back in, but within 20 minutes, she climbed out on her own saying she thought she was low. She was 37!!!!! I hadn't brought snack in with us and the juice wasn't going to cut it so I ran out to the car to get some food, and she needed it!!

Upon discussing this with the DR, she confirmed it's a given and that it happens with her also. She gave us some great tips for swimming as a diabetic.......what numbers need to be treated, how often to check blood sugars, foods to eat and treat with, and the amounts of fast acting carbs, proteins, etc to eat with any given number range.

Ahhhhhh. Swimming stresses me out with Betsey. It's always an issue. Now I have a better idea of how to help stabilize sugars for a good uninterrupted family swim, and maybe even lessons! Tid Bit #3.

We bumped into Amy T. who is in charge of the clinical studies and informed us that the study Betsey will participate in just got FDA approval and she's 4th on the list. They're hoping to double up kids in the hospital for the stay in which case she may go in earlier than expected. She is still willing to participate and I am excited about the idea of it. Tid Bit #4.

Happy Tid Bits are always a good thing!

Diabetes Thoughts

When Betsey was first diagnosed with diabetes, that day, I remember so much of my feelings, the emotion, the clothing I was wearing... It's almost a still picture in my mind. A bunch of stills. And they move slowly through the frames in my head. One after the other. When I sit and think about that day, and the days that followed, I relive the same thing over and over in my head, going through the stills, frame by frame, often shedding a tear or 2 and getting choked up. Seldom do I revisit that time in its entirety. It still, almost 5 years later, is a lot for me to take in all at once.

I read and re-read Betsey's diagnosis story that I wrote as my first post on this blog. It still makes me cry. I know this kid. I know the story. I lived the story. I am living it. With her. And it still brings back raw emotion.

Is it the weight of the emotion from that time; the month of the diagnosis? Is it the reality of the larger picture? Is it the sadness I feel for her and all the things that could happen to her innocent young body? Is it just the idea of it.... diabetes?

Diabetes was something I, like many other people, thought was all about sugar,. You either ate too much of it and your body decided to rebel and get after you, or you just couldn't have it. That was about the extent of what I knew. I don't even know if I had spoken the word "insulin" out loud in my vocabulary once in my life prior to that. Why would I have? It wasn't part of my life. Insulin didn't sit in my fridge or on my counter. Insulin wasn't delivered to my house in a refrigerated styrofoam box from a medical supply company. Insulin wasn't a smell I was familiar with. And now, the smell of it lingers in our house, mentally and physically. Often times I can smell it on Betsey. Is it physcological? Or is it my super-sniffer as Speedo calls it?

When I read that post about Betsey's diagnosis, I think of how ignorant and uneducated I was at the beginning. And how little I knew and thought about her future. It was all then and now. Even today, I don't like to, scratch that, won't allow myself to think too far ahead. College. Can't and won't. I have to live in the now with her and diabetes. It overwhelms me. It saddens me more than I can tell you to think of her growing up with this nonsense.

Did you know that insulin is not a cure? It's a lifeline.

Did you know that people with type 1 are at greater risk for eye problems, like glaucama & cataracts.

Did you know that most people with type 1 will get retinopathy, a disorder of the retina?

Did you know that type 1 diabetics are likely to have foot problems, like neuropathy, which can and will lead to amputation?

Did you know for type 1 diabetics it is almost a death sentence to not have tight control, because prolonged high blood sugar causes damage to nerves and blood vessels faster than normal.

Did you know that type 1 diabetics are at a much greater risk for heart attack and stroke?

Did you know this information is stuff I try not to read or write or think about?

Uh oh!

News and dates for the VT JDRF ride have been announced via email to our crew of riders from last year.

Not great.

July 15-18 in Burlington VT. Sounds great, but some of the people that rode last year have their big Half Ironman in Providence the weekend before and there is no way they''ll be up for 100 miles the following weekend. After my half last year, I was out for a while trying to get a feel for my legs!!

Ugh.

I may ride solo or with another chapter. I have to get my schedule in place for my races this year and figure it out....

Kind of a bummer. :(