I started this blog a little over a year ago today, March 13, 2009, 4 years prior that
Betsey was diagnosed with type 1.
And our world as we knew it changed forever.
Today, 5 years later, my day was packed full from the minute I woke up until now, as I sit here wanting to document another "day in the life" and such an important marking in our family history. It was so busy, I only had a few moments to even think about sitting and writing about today and my thoughts on "5 years later with a daughter with type 1."
I took the day off from my training routine that has begun -
not in earnest , unfortunately - my heart is not there yet as the weather still is not cooperating enough here in New England for me to get outside on my bike. So I have upped my swimming and running but slacked on the bike part. My first big race is the Half Ironman in June, REV3,
the one Amy & I did last year. I feel comfortable enough in knowing what's expected of my body come that time and I feel like I have a safe couple more weeks to "slack" before I really stick to the plan.
Two-thirds of the children had CCD, but we picked them up early because Betsey had a bar mitzvah to go to right after CCD and needed to dress herself up, which at her age, natural young beauty to her advantage, calls for a strings of chunky pearls, matching earrings, a lovely plain dress and that killer smile. If only it was that easy for all of us!
I wanted to drive Betsey to the synagogue to quickly brief the mother about Betsey, make her aware of her situation. I knew she'd probably be crazy with getting everyone adjusted, so many children from the boy's class as well as family and friends attending. I took her aside briefly, had her recognize Betsey, make sure she knew if Betsey needed to eat during the service, that it was OK.
"Absolutely. Ben's Dad is a diabetic, so we know all about this!"
"Umm, really?"
"Yes. So we understand."
I am always skeptical when someone "understands" because most diabetes discussed are type 2.
"Type 1?" I ask.
"Oh yes, he wears a pump and everything. Yes, I understand," she said with a warm smile.
Well no kidding. Here I was a little panicky about leaving her, for the day (pick up was at 5pm, the whole day later!) thinking back and forth about staying, having Speedo pop in, double checking with 2 of her friends to make sure they knew what to do in the event of an emergency.....and the mother of the boy was reassuring me because she knew all about it.
"OK, so if she needs to eat..."
"We have clif bars, all sorts of things, she can 'crinkle' during the service with Ben's dad if she has to," she said smiling at Betsey making a gesture with her hands as if to unwrap a noisy wrapper.
HUGE heavy sigh.
I left with a skip in my step. Someone else was reassuring me it was going to be OK. Another step towards letting go.
Betsey's younger sister Greta had her birthday party at a gymnastics place this afternoon so we prepped for that in between Betsey's drop off, tied up loose ends and then I was off for the party.
Betsey's other sister Libby had a date with her Auntie for a mani/pedi for her Birthday, and I managed to sneak in a small cat nap for 1/2 an hour while Greta looked through her goodies from her friends with the littlest, Margot.
We had dinner plans with Rolo and her family tonight and I have been flat out exhausted with some house stuff we have going on.... another story.
The nap served me well.
Betsey texted me a few times to check in; her sugar had spiked to 481 (!!!) later in the afternoon... "There was lots of candy on the table, I bolused, so yea..." was her text when I said "WHAT?!"
It was the dress-- every time she wanted to eat,her pump was hooked on her boxer shorts under her dress and she didn't want to have to access it, so in went the candy, and never an insulin to cover. Uh huh.
And then Rolo called to tell us her power was out and her cooking had come to a halt. The weather is downright hurricane-ish tonight; winds blowing trees down and horizontal rains. So we stayed home, popped in Mary Poppins for the littles and donned our comfiest jammies.
All day, my thoughts came and went about Betsey, not only because she was away from me all day, in someone else's hands that I didn't even know, but the remembering of her diagnosis day. When I texted her after she was at the bar mitzvah that it was 5 years ago today, she said, "Really? wow." She hadn't realized. Last year she did. This year, it was just another day.
Not to me though. It's never just another day. It's the day I remember as a blow. A whirlwind. A disaster. A complete shock and state of confusion. A whole boat load of sadness and fear.
But I was soooo busy today. From the minute I got my lazy bum out of bed at 6:30 until now, I have kept my mind busy busy busy. Not much time to dwell on the sadness of the reality.
And I think that's a good thing. I am learning to cope with it better. Learning to accept it....not like it, but accept it. It is as it is. I can not change it but I can work with it and deal with it.
And the rain today-well perfectly suited for a diagnosis date for Betsey. Oddly enough, as much as it is so yucky and miserable out, it is Betsey's favorite weather.
Ironic.
It's all in how you look at things, and you make them what you want them to be.
Betsey, my sugary sweetie, I love you to bits.
I have officially decided to sign up for the Ride To Cure, Burlington VT 2010 this year!
