Happy (belated) Birthday to Tucker!

Betsey's only brother turned 8 on February 20th!

Shockingly handsome isn't it?

Life's Curve Balls....(public pep talk)

Every once in a while I have to step back and thank God, literally, for what I have and who I have in my life.

I have a supportive, caring, deeply committed -albeit flirty- husband in Speedo (coming up on 14 years-holy wow!), 6 beautiful, witty and charismatic children, an army of friends that graciously pick me up emotionally as needed, listen to me, respect and trust me, laugh with me and cry with me, and I, likewise, offer them the same. I often wonder at how I got where I am.

My children, those that are old enough to understand, know "the story" - or part of it anyway - and know that choices I made were not good ones. I use my story as an example of what NOT to do! :)

I became an emancipated minor when I was almost 17 -basically divorced my parents, and for not a reason I care to share, because, hind sight, oy vey-it really was a dumb reason that pushed me to that point. I brought them to court, stood before the judge and convinced him I was capable of being an emancipated minor. He bought it, hook, line and sinker, and granted me the freedom I so desperately wanted back then.

I lived in many places during those times; other people's rentals until they kicked me out because I wasn't contributing to their rent, friends houses until their moms said I should just go home, backs of cars, hotels with random people I met. I showered wherever I could if I wasn't sleeping in a place where a shower was an option. Often times I "bathed" in a nearby lake.

I worked 2 jobs to support myself back then, and used what money I made to "get by" and by "getting by" I mean a handful of devil dogs for the day, a couple packs of smokes and someones willingness to drive me from point A to point B and not want gas money. I made ends meet, and it worked for me.

These are all choices I made, all choices I lived with and I was happy enough to come and go as I pleased. I wasn't really going anywhere...I was living day to day, hour to hour, "having fun." I was happy enough doing what I was doing. Life was about making it to the next day.

The summer I was 18 was when I found out I was pregnant. I was tubing on the Connecticut River late one warm summer day.

This changed my life forever. Just 18 years old. Pregnant. No real place to call "home." Talk about a dilemma!

There are many pieces to the story of what happened to me from the time I ran away from home at 16 until the day Hayley turned 6 months old, and many more, much happier times after that milestone. I had an interesting spell of years during that time, a time I wouldn't change for the world because it made me the woman I am today, the mother that I am, the friend that I have become. Those years shaped me in ways I am still discovering to this day. I share bits and pieces as the time seems fit, and with only a select few I am close enough to trust with my deepest secrets. Those I know won't judge, won't ask too many questions and just listen as I share.

I chose to turn my life around when Hayley was born. I chose to grow up prematurely and be the mom I always thought I should be the day I would be so lucky to have children. I chose to drag my a$$ out of the gutter and make something for this beautiful little person who looked at me and only knew love. Speedo always right by my side, offering his hand and gentle help.

Oh those times were tough alright. I cried many nights wondering how the hell I was ever going to be able to make it as a mom. It wasn't about me anymore, I had a little human being depending on me and needing me.

Life throws curve balls all the time. It's what you choose to do with them that counts.

Where am I going with this??

I'm pep-talking myself.

Remember Meghan? You can do this! You overcame one other obstacle, a big one...you can overcome this one....It's how you choose to deal with this diabetes dilemma....

Betsey's diabetes diagnosis was a curve ball. We're still swinging at it, sometimes making contact, sometimes striking out. But we always get another chance. Right now, it is a series of curve balls, and we're not walking any bases--we are striking out every time! I know it'll work itself out one of these days... I know it. But I'm finding myself frustrated, at a loss, and like I'm constantly talking to a brick wall.

Just a curve ball. Life. We're going to get through this one....