Doing Diabetes

Everybody "does" diabetes differently. We know several diabetics, a couple of adults, a few children, and each of us manage the disease in our own way. I manage Betsey's diabetes the way I do because it is what works for me, for her. Sometimes I feel like I am always on top of Betsey about when to test....amoung other things.

"What's your number?" "What does your pump say?" "Did you remember to bolus for that snack?" "Did you correct that high?" " Did you you put your pump back on?" "Did you retest an hour after those 2 consecutive highs?" "Did you put a temp rate on for gym" " Did you test after gym?" "Did you remember to test before you ate?" "How many units do you have left" "Do you have enough strips for the day?" "Are your sugar tabs filled?"

These questions must ring through her head while she's sleeping.

This morning I got up at 4:30 to head off to the pool, and I heard Betsey's pump going off. Waaaawooowaaawoooowaaaawooooo.....

I hit the down arrow on her Minimed Paradigm for the light to go on, but the alarm is warning me to acknowledge the alert for a high blood sugar, and ... no light goes on.... which means one thing - LOW battery. Again. Man, that thing goes through a lot of batteries! I finagle through the alerts, one for the high blood sugar, one for the low battery, and I grab her DB to test her. Her sensor was "lost" at some point over night which means it stopped picking up a signal for transmission. That last number her pump took from the sensor was 200-something. As I wiggle her towards me on the edge of the bed, she groans, holds her hand out as if she's programmed to hand over a tiny fingertip, ready to succumb to that quick jolt of a poke. She mumbles, "I knew it." I think, Knew what? What is she thinking about? I'm sure diabetes related. I wonder what percentage of her dreams are diabetes related vs. "regular" dreams?

A blood glucose check reveals 179. I leave it and we'll deal with the lost sensor before school at breakfast. Off to the pool I go.

I am rigid with Betsey's diabetes management and maybe sometimes too rigid. This I know. I know that she probably hates me sometimes for being so smothering, and she'll look back as she gets older and even when she's going through rougher times as she grows, she'll hate me as much as she hates her diabetes. I have accepted this. Sort of. I am the bad guy, the constant reminder to remember to take care of her body, her sugary sweet self. I want her to learn good habits and have them stick with her. I want her to stay on top of this disease so she can live a long, long time. One day, I hope she'll forgive me for being such a pain in the ars and she'll understand... if only a little bit. I hope.

My theory is that if I am strict with her now, when she's a little bit older, doing more of it herself, her bouts of carelessness, forgetfulness and disdain for having to do it will be OK. Her slacking will be within an 'OK realm' of slack, if that makes any sense. She will have wiggle room that will still keep her somewhat together and the control loosely tight. This is my hope. This is my theory. Who knows?

My point is that just because I "do it" this way, doesn't mean it's right for every parent managing diabetes, nor every child, young adult or adult. This is what works for us.... for now.