Best Smile!

(Jersey Shore, 2010)

(Going at that ball!)

(Checking sugars on the field hockey field.)

Betsey came home with the news today that she won the Superlative for the yearbook

of "Best Smile."

Her smile exudes so much - no wonder she won!

Tyler!

I have a new nephew - Tyler David! I was at his birth on December 5! My sister Hillary had her 6th baby - just like us! And it was a complete treat to be there with her and her husband as she labored and gave birth! I brought my camera and photographed the journey! I absolutely love the event of birth, from the beginning to end, and I was so happy when she said I could come to this one, too! I am a sucker for babies, and holding that little person minutes after he was born was so gratifying I can not tell you. Somethign about the smell and touch and sound of a new baby that melts me right to my core. Yummy.

Congrats to Hillary and her family!

Louisville Ironman 2010

I was so fortunate to go to Louisville KY this August to watch my dear friend Amy, as well as John and Janel, as they competed in the FULL Ironman! I flew down with one of my favorite people, Sheridan, and we became "official spectators" as she refers to us as, in her very eloquent and poignant recap of the weekends events.

I share this with you, because as an athlete, a triathlete, witnessing an Ironman is an experience all of us should do in a lifetime.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Louisville Ironman: An athlete's perspective to the "other side"; the spectator.
-By Sheridan aka Rolo


First of all, I didn't know how I would feel being a spectator because, let's be honest, we're athletes, we like to compete. But I also know that as that athlete during a race, I thrive on the connection with the spectators. My family and friends that sacrifice their day (and sleep) to support me, the countless fans cheering everyone on, and the others I like to call my fairy godpeople that I happen upon during every race I have done. The ones that come out of nowhere to offer a body to lean on to stretch, an encouraging yell, and the smiles...I thrive on the smiles. So I took this as an opportunity to give back and see the "other side". And there is definitely another side! When you are competing, you are focused on yourself and your needs. You have no idea what is going on in the "other side", the spectator scene. I have to force myself not to think about what my family is going to do in between the flashes they get of me during a race because there is so much time spent waiting. But here is where the opportunity is, because it is not really waiting at all. If you jump on the spectator bus, you have countless people to cheer. It is infectious. So that is what Meghan and I did...we joined the scene. Hook, line and sinker!


We arose at 3:40AM to Meghan's cell saying, "answer the phone, this is yur mahtha."(have you heard her ringer?) We should have known Amy would leave before the 3:50 time she said she would go. So we jumped out of bed and sprinted barefoot, well I did, you know Meghan and her feet issues... to the lobby to see Amy and John off. They were ready. So ready that John already had his swim cap and goggles on (the start was at 7AM). "Preparation is the key to life" my father says... We sent them off with emotional hugs and kisses with a promise to see them at the start.


We went back to bed for an hour, then it was time to suit up. Meghan and I took this support team seriously, with matching outfits and temporary Ironman tattoos. She even french braided my hair like hers. We were the Ironman Bopsy Twins, or perhaps Thing 1 and Thing 2. We decided to run to the start of the swim about a 5K away (if you had seen what we ate for dinner, you would've run too). This is where the "other side" of Ironman really started to sink in. There were hundreds of people walking before the sunrise to see their people. With bells, signs, banners, balloons, you name it, we probably saw it. Incredible. They are a dedicated bunch. The start site was amazing. Athletes and fans milling about in the dark with the music rocking. Our mission: find the gang. Since they left so early and it was a first come, first served line up for a time trial start, we figured they would be up near the beginning. No luck. We studied the line and were getting nervous. I didn't get the sense they were there, so we traced the line back, looking for what seemed like forever. Then Meghan said I know Amy is near. This is where you know their connection runs deep because a few seconds later, there they were. It makes sense, Amy is our Yoda... And the good news is, John is still prepared with his cap and goggles on...(Giggle giggle). And Dale and Sharon got there too, so we all got to give our hugs and other ceremonial type things we do...(AKA, weird superstitious mumbo jumbo).

So glad Amy and John were together, they are peas in a pod and I think they were a great help to each other that morning. Then we were off to find Janel down the line. I had actually never met Janel, but I heard she was a doll. This turns out to be true! She was lit up like a Christmas tree, smiling. And the cute friend John and Amy said was with her turned out to be Ali, my girls' first babysitter! That was a bonus! She was there with her brother, John, so we had more peeps to add to our family of competitors. Excellent. Then off went the gun!

Now this start was different. It was not a wave start with your set time. They lined up two by two it seemed and when the gun went off, the athletes went down the dock every 2 seconds. It was quick, so even though we were far back in the line with Janel and her gang, it really started to move. The line looked like the people mover at the airport amidst the crowd of spectators, except every one had on either a red or white cap, like a Talking Head's video from the 80's. We went back to the start to take it all in. Once they got down on the dock, there was no turning back. There were two finger docks off of the main dock the athletes went down to get in. It was not a ramp...they jumped in. It was a bit odd watching. The water was murky and they looked like the elves jumping in chocolate from Willy Wonka's factory, but I couldn't dwell on my water issues, we had work to do. We were Ironman Spectators: professionals.


We ran back alongside the masses of people walking to T1. Taking photos and looking out over the river at the first swimmers going by. BTW the first chick did the swim faster than my 70.3 swim... Moving on... We parked ourselves in front of Amy's bike row and waited, but remember, we weren't waiting, we were professional Ironman Spectators and the people on either side of us suffered some hearing loss and perhaps some entertainment as they eavesdropped on Meghan and I while we quietly commented on some of the outfits and various other things I like to refer to as the "I'm so perfect, I can make fun of people" game.

It was also satisfying my appetite for porn. Bike porn that is (had to snap you back to attention, this story is long...) I love bikes and there were some reeeeaally nice bikes. Then we got our first fill of family cheering as Janel ran by to her bike, smiling and adorable and apparently sharing something about her shorts that Meghan got on film and perhaps Janel would clarify... Anyway, then came Amy, looking smooth, ready and beautiful. Off she went with 3 kisses blown her way. We missed John somehow, but got to see the chute where people mount their bikes and start the 112 miles through horse country and treeless roads with full sun. Exciting and nerve racking as there was more than one pile up coming out of T1 with over zeolous riders. Keep this in mind future IM seekers (hint hint), take it easy at the start of the bike, plenty o time to fly.


Fast forward... there was really no way to watch them on the bike as we heard the shuttle was stuffed and very crowded once you got to the location to see them so we took some time, went back to the hotel so Meghan could attempt to labor away the sufferings of too much junk food the night before and got ready for the run instead.

Meghan and I intended to meet them back at transition, but Dale and Sharon were there so we found a great spot about a mile into the run so we could see them twice because they ran over a bridge to Indiana and right back again. This is where the hook, line and sinker mentioned above really sunk in. We were there over 4 hours I think? It didn't seem like it at all.

We cheered for every person going by. When there was a family there, and they first saw their athlete come down the stretch, they jumped for joy cheering, and we got drawn into their emotion. Sometimes the athlete would stop and hug them... wives, husbands, children, moms, dads, all of them and when they ran off again, Meghan and I were crying.

We understand.

These are the people who enable you to train, support you when you are down, high five you when you are up. They are part of your journey. They are the "other side". They would pack up their gang and move to their next cheering spot, loyal and ever supportive. Like the fast forward photography they use to show crowds changing guard, people were coming and going, but Meghan and I remained.

Where were our people? They weren't getting to the 70 mile check point on the athlete tracker when we expected them to. John had, but he didn't get to T2 when we thought. No sign of the rest of the gang. We were getting a bit worried, it was very hot. I felt pretty powerless. I had all of my lucky charms that I wear when I compete in my bag, but I didn't have them on, so I put them on. Anything... just get our people home. We continued to cheer (and cry) for all of these amazing athletes turning their legs over on the run after a grueling day on the bike.

Then we got news. John was on the run!!! Yippee! We had mapped out our plan to run along side of him up over the bridge. So we went out to cheer him and instead of letting us go by to join him on the run, he stopped and embraced both of us. And by embrace, I really mean it, this man is strong. He is overjoyed. He is elated. He is every word for it in the thesaurus. He was on his way to being an Ironman. We ran along side of him for a bit chatting him up. He is the most thankful, jolly human. I love John. So now we were recharged, and the news was good, Amy was on her way too.


We went back to our spot and thanked the man who watched our stuff and just in time to cheer his son on. Remember we are Ironman Spectators, their family was our family. But I will admit, it wasn't as loud on that corner when we were waiting for Amy, we were concentrating, looking for our girl. Where was she? It was nerve racking because we didn't know her outfit.

Luckily Dale was in TI and sent a message she was on the run! Wearing a red polka dotted skirt, of course...skirt girl. We would see her any minute! Meghan was getting her camera ready to shoot so she could drop it and run with her. I was down at ground level, looking through the sea of legs for the polka dotted skirt, Like Babar looking for the man with the moustache in Babar Loses His Crown. There she was! I jumped out on the course, and ran around in circles, chasing my tail like my dog when we get home from school. I couldn't wait to see her! I lost track of Meghan, but I assume she got some shots (she really is amazing with the lense) and I waited across the street, jumping and yelling Amy's name over and over! She looked up from her visor and smiled, hands in the air, happy girl!

Meghan appeared and we ran along side of her. I don't really remember all we said at first, I was so excited, but this I will never forget...I was next to her talking her up, encouraging words...and I reached out and touched her arm and there it was, "No! Don't touch me, I could get disqualified" Surprise, surprise, IronAmy read the rules, and nothing would get in her way that day. She was prepared. I felt horrible for a second for touching and worrying her, and then I remembered John's maximum embrace directly in front of the IronPerson on course in charge of directing the athletes and I got over it, but I didn't share that with her. I respected her wishes and we guided her up the hill on the bridge.

She was telling us about the ride and how hot it was and that she felt crappy (pukey was the word I think she used, but hey, she's doing an Ironman, she can make up words) The kicker was she wasn't able to drink and keep stuff down. Mayday. We reminded her how important it was to drink and eat and she agreed and kept going. This girl is rock solid and on a mission, even though she felt like poo (keepin' it clean people, shocker, I know). And I think it is important to add here that, even though she admitted to feeling like said poo, she still had this beauty about her. IronAmy, pukey and beautiful. Amazing. Then here came the gift with purchase, we were going along with Amy, watching her get the rally cap on, and here comes Janel! Still adorable, still lit up like a Christmas tree! This girl is stoked!

We were so glad to see both of them in one shot. Janel looked good and kept going on her merry way. We got some more time with Amy, as her tummy was not happy, but not for long, because believe me when I say this, nothing, not a tummy, a blister, an earthquake, nothing was going to stop this IronAmy. She was going to do this thing. And she started to run! Off she went with us hollering after her. "Go girl! And you have the nicest touchis (clean-speak) on the course! And the best skirt!" Of course this got the athletes rallied around her in agreement. Hehe. Hey, all bets were off at this point, as a professional Ironman Spectator, we say what we gotta say, and besides, we speak the truth...she has a nice ass. Oops, I mean touchis.

We waited to see Janel and Amy come back over the bridge to give them one last send off before we saw them at the next spot and I came up with our theme song for the day. "Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walkin' cross the floor" (Santa Claus is Comin' to Town). I sang it to Amy as she ran by giving us a wave, rather screeched it as my voice was beginning to suffer the costs of being a professional Ironman Spectator. Of course, she was being careful not to get to close to us for fear of another touch and her being disqualified. Snicker, snicker (love you girl).


We were blessed to see our people and we were united with Dale at the corner we had grown rather attached to. We had cheered countless athletes there, all with a story, all with a goal. Our cup runeth over and we had some time to kill. What to do...hmm, refuel said cup. This Ironman Spectator thing is tough and we had to keep our energy up... Off to the pub, Patrick O'Shea's to be exact, which hopefully Meghan will include the photos of our journey to and into the bathroom. It was the most peculiar bathroom I have seen. Either that or I was suffering from heat stroke and anything looked good at that point. We ordered up some chow and established our game plan. This would prove difficult. You see, not only did the course maps suck in that they didn't give mileage to gage where we may re-unite with our athletes, the race tracker was in sloth mode. This required the heavy guns.

I called my mom. She is the epitome of professional Ironman Spectator. For my races, she has it all traced out in advance with google maps zoomed in on each watch point on the entire course. Her plan of attack is always in place and do not, I repeat, do not get in her way on race day. It makes me very thankful she is there to guide everyone and also a teensy bit thankful that I am competing and somewhat removed from the "other side" at that point... Anyway, I digress... I had her go to the Ironman site, print the run course and street directions, then take those to Map My Ride to map the course and the mileage so we could merge that with athlete tracker's info and figure out what time to be at the corner where the runners would go by twice.

After many texts, a few phone calls, and a somewhat patient and hungry dad, my mom pulled through with the mileage on the course and the tracker info. She is beyond good, she is awesome. All the way from Vermont, she is part of the "other side" and to be fair, so is my dad. He is the guy that leaves articles on my desk from his precious Wall Street Journal regarding triathlons and the next big thing (ultra's according to WSJ) Who knew there was a sports section anyway. He is the guy that brought the stopwatch to the track when I was a kid. He is the guy with the signs on the course that he takes great care in writing. Although he might not admit it, he is part of the "other side" as well, which is why he grilled the food while mom did her magic. Thanks dad.

My husband, Roger, who cashed in our airline and Marriot points for Meghan and myself. He helped make this Ironman Spectator moment happen in the first place. Which reminds me the vastness of the "other side". All of our friends at home, glued to the computer and keeping abreast with Meghan's updates. All of the athlete's friends for that matter following along at home, contributing to the tracker lock-up perhaps. It shows the exponential support of the "other side".


So we were fed, watered, highly entertained by the bathroom and fresh with a plan. There was a check in at mile 13, so we knew the corner after that was mile 14 so there we would go gifted with the confidence they had not passed by yet.

Well, except for Janel...she had her go fast shoes on and we were very sorry to miss that smiley face again. I hope her family got to see her finish. But I fast forward again, first we had to go retrieve the bikes out of T2, and walk off the second junk food session of the weekend. We went along the run course back to the start and shifted right back into cheer mode. These people needed it, big time. They had been on the bike forever and they were struggling. At T2, we were too early for the bike pick up so we did an about face back to the run course, but we got to see some of the late arrival cyclists coming in. These people were almost down to the wire, the cutoff, but they rode with the same drive as the pros, perhaps even more so. You could see it in their eyes. They were going to do this thing, or go down trying. We cheered them on as we walked. We retraced our steps along the run course to our 14 mile corner.

It was here I think we got our Ironman Spectator wings.

You see there was this man, walking right after the bridge where we had seen our people a couple of hours before. It was maybe 2 miles into the run, it was 6:20PM. He was not smiling, actually his head was down and he had the look of defeat. For a bit we were silent, looking at one another, feeling powerless. What to do? He was right next to us. On his calf? The number 60. He was 60 years old. And under that? An Ironman tattoo with Kona underneath. This man had been there, he had seen the glory. We continued along side of him. His face was weathered and I couldn't tell if he would appreciate our cheers and we were afraid to speak aside from a few words of encouragement which were received with a negative shake of his head. Then we took a different approach.

His jersey said Annapolis so I said, "Hey, I've done some sailing down there. Do you sail?"

What's that? A reaction? Yes, it is...and an answer.

He sailed indeed, in the navy for 25 years (confirming the weathered look) and he said he didn't need that anymore, but this time, he smiled. We were in! We chatted him up and got him laughing and then Meghan said the magic words. This little cutie with a nice, you know, a three letter word mentioned above also meaning touchis, passed weathered, 60 year old, retired navy, kona finisher guy and Meghan said, "Are you going to let that little thing pass you? Go on, go get her!"

He laughed and then guess what?

He started to run!!!

We were under the overpass which provided the perfect acoustics for my theme song in full volume. I let it rip, screaming about feet in front of the other and he kept on going, off with a wave of his hand, under the overpass in pursuit of the touchis and hopefully more Ironman glory. I hope that we were his Ironman fairy godpeople. We had many of these moments throughout the day, but this man stuck with us. This Ironman Spectator thing, this "other side", was proving to be one of the better moments in my life.


On to the corner at mile 14 which was just beyond the overpass. It was also a lap point so we were able to cheer the people just past the half marathon point, and also the people just starting out on the run. These runners needed all the encouragement they could get. It was 6:30, they had until midnight, and they had 23 miles to go. Wow. They trickled by and we sent all of the positive vibes we could muster their way. Plus we had to direct them because they were somewhat delirious at this point, and the course was not marked well at the intersection, a couple of them ran the wrong way and we retrieved them and sent them off. Poor things.

At this point, I have to admit, I think we were getting anxious. We were all at this corner, Meghan, myself, Dale and Sharon. Together and taxed. I get like this racing sometimes. Impatient perhaps. We knew they hadn't gotten past the 13 mile check point, yet the tracker was frozen and we just had to trust we would see them. Trust that we would see Amy's polka dotted skirt and John's baggy shorts. This impatience broke us up.

First Meghan had to go, then Dale, then Sharon. They had to walk, like movement would bring the result we wanted. I just stood there, watching. Looking for the polka dotted skirt. Where was the polka dotted skirt? I still cheered for the runners, I was still moved by them stopping to connect with their families, but I rang my bell and my plastic clapper thingy with a different tone. Like I was sending out a battle cry.

Fight my friends, fight. Don't let the heat get the best of you. Fight.

Well fight they did because I got a text from Meghan saying, "Amy's coming, I'm with her!" Whoo hoo, and thank God! I smiled at the cop on the corner and asked him to watch our stuff and prepared for another run along side of our girl. Reminding myself to keep a safe distance of course, no touching.... which reminds me... I had gotten a howler text in all capitals earlier from my mother saying, "YOU CAN'T TOUCH AMY BECAUSE SHE COULD GET DISQUALIFIED!" Phrase of the day, "Can't Touch This"...thanks MC Hammer. (Snicker Snort). But running with her is legal, so run we did.

She looked good. We reminded her that the end was near, she could taste it. She was going to be an Ironman. I told her about some cool Ironman tattoos I saw and how close she was to being able to get one, that is, if she wanted one. This conversation involved a pinkie promise, an air pinky promise...remember, no touching. (Snicker snicker snort). I won't get into this promise in case my dad reads this, he is not a fan of tattoos... And off she went. I was so proud of her, thinking back to the beginning of the run and how (pukey) she felt, yet there she was, still running, still on a mission. Incredible.

I turned to run back to our corner and the second gift with purchase of the day: Ali! This girl's smile is contagious. It goes from ear to ear and twinkles her eyes. She was running great, hurt knee and all. I sprinted ahead and snapped some photos of her and then ran along side of her. I met this girl when she was 18 maybe? She would watch our girls regularly on Sunday's in the fall when we would go sailing. She was a peach and a rock star athlete in high school, a field hockey champ. I would call her to watch the girls and if she was busy, it wasn't because she had regular 18 year old plans...no, she was tutoring someone in math. She is from the "can she be real?" stock. Well, yes she is and now she was a triathlete about to finish her first Ironman at 26. She apparently read Oh! the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss because she is living it and I was so happy to be able to watch it happen. I must add here that her brother, John, with evidence from a morning photo at the swim start, has the same smile. It must be a family trait, triathletes and smiles.

I jogged back to the corner and reunited with Meghan and Dale. I should say at this point we didn't see John at the corner. I don't know when he ran by. Maybe he snuck through because we were so obnoxious the first time and the hug cost him so much energy (I'm not kidding, it was the hug of the century) and he didn't want to face us again. Who knows, but seeing him finish made up for that, for sure.

Instead, with time to kill before the finish, we went back to get the bikes out of lock up. I only tell you this because it provides more evidence to the extent of John's preparation. I had to strip his bike for shipping, and in his saddle bag were upwards of 7 CO2 cartridges and two more on his bottle cage. The man was ready to ride on nails. Good thing he didn't find any and good thing I chose to leave the cartridges with the bike or John may have found himself in the airport jail. Thank me later, John. (Triple snicker snort).


What happens next? The finish folks. That's right, this story might end sometime. Hey, I AM writing about an Ironman, mind you, not a sprint. The first one for our athletes and ours as professional Ironman Spectators. These things take time. It is worth it though because the finish line in person is one million, delete, three million(more appropriate for this venue) times better than watching the Ironman on the US/NBC channel over and over on New Year's Day. It is electric. It is the pinnacle of our sport, aside from Kona, and arguably of any sport (don't tell the ultra's, I shy away from controversy).

Meghan and I had a front row seat on the finishing chute. We didn't at first, but we lifted our arms and shared the essence of how seriously we took our professional Ironman Spectator status and miraculously that essence, rather aroma, parted the crowd like the red sea and we were ringside, where we belonged. I cannot express the emotion.

Suffice it to say I was glad I don't wear much eye makeup, because I would've been renamed Alice Cooper. Every one who ran by had it written all over their face. Joy, tears, awe, we saw it all. We saw a man go by who looked like he had ridden a horse for days, uncomfortable, but still running and guess what...it was his 105th Ironman. Those of you who know me well, know I didn't say holy cow when I heard that. FUDGE will work for now...

We saw a man skip down the chute(that had to hurt), a couple of costumes, including a pirate. Speaking of horses, a guy rode through the chute riding the horsey head on a stick toy from childhood. That had to have been planned because all of the stores were closed at that point...

We saw a man with an ALS kit run by and got to witness him roll over the finish line. (Tissues for sure). We felt connected to the athletes as they ran by high fiving all of us down the line, graciously validating our support. We saw some, with the finish line on their tastebuds, stop to give a final hug to each and every one of their family and friends that came to support them. (More tissues). It is here where the athlete and the "other side" unite. Their exhaustion evaporates and they are carried on the wings of the spectator's cheers. There is no pain, only glory and love. I know this, because I have been on the finish line of many a race, I have felt the cheers carry me home. I can only dream at this point the feeling of an Ironman finish and trust me, just that dream has had me in tears pulling into my driveway after a long run where I visualized the thrill of an Ironman finish on the last hill home.


Now it was our turn to be the wings. I mentioned above about Amy being our Yoda, well as a childhood Star Wars fan, I totally trust the force and I was channeling that big time towards our people. We had no idea where they were now because Ironmanlive.com was frozen so we really did have to trust the force. It was all we had. We got our first taste with Ali's brother, John. He didn't hear us, but that's ok, we were part of that collective "other side" remember.

Then came John T. Oh my goodness, I think Meghan and I smacked heads jumping up and down for him!!! You could see the dream coming true on his face. It was unbelievable, incredible, awesome! Meghan and I were officially without voices we were screaming so loud. And crying, of course. Lots of crying, it was a miracle I could see through my contact lenses.

Then came Ali, still sparkly and at 26, she is on her way. IronAli. Amazing. We felt bad not being able to see John T right at the finish line, but luckily he came to us and with a tap on our shoulders, there he was, IronJohn. I'll let Meghan's slideshow convey the emotion exchanged, but I will say it was exhilarating and my heart was bursting with pride. He did it!

We were now completely dedicated to the polka dotted skirt. I knew it by now. I could find it, even in the dark and guess what, my mom was still on post in VT, waiting diligently for the athlete tracker to come in. It did and her news? Amy was past mile 25! Zippety doo dah, zippety aye, my oh my, what a wonderful day!

Meghan went out to bring her home and John and I waited to cheer. I also intended to take some photos, but at the sight of her, I lost my ability to use my hands except to clap and raise them up as high as they would go and yell as loud as I could (which wasn't very loud at all at that point). Seeing her, knowing her...she is steadfast. She will tell you, she felt like poo, pukey, remember. Others may have given up feeling like that. But not Amy, she put one foot in front of the other and got it done. She felt the glory and lifted her arms at the finish in triumph. IronAmy. (Tissues are now gone).


There it was, they were all done. Mission accomplished. Did it turn out the way they expected? I don't think there is an answer for that. We, as athletes, know it is never how it is in your imagination. Sometimes it is better, sometimes it is worse, but it all becomes part of your life string, woven into the fabric of your being. How you build from it shows whether your glass is half-full, or half-empty. The body is an incredible gift, but it is your mind and your spirit that help form it. These three things: mind, body and spirit are what brought our friends, our triathlon family, to hear this phrase that I for one, will never forget, and one they truly deserve:


Congratulations...


YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

You know that commercial? That Christmas song, but it's the mom in Staples shopping for school supplies? That's me this year--singing the praises of public school, options for "long day" nursery school, and after school sports and playgroups! Hallelujah! We have all of the children in four different schools this year - read: lots of calendars and organizing schedules and rides and games and activities. Let the fun begin! I'm ready! Because this year, I get 3 days, 2 of which are "full" where I have 5 hours to myself! What? Yes, that's right. To myself. First time in 16+ years! Wow! Don't even ask what I'll do with that time, because I have a feeling I can fill it up pretty quickly.

This summer was a doozy for us all around - the move into the disaster of the house, the renovation part of it, the stress it brought all of us in different levels... I had more bathing suits this year that I have ever in my entire life! We spent nearly every day at the beach, whether it be in CT or RI, and even a week at the Jersey Shore, then we'd come "home" and clean up, rest, pack up again, and go back for dinner! I can honestly say, I am still not beached out-I don't think I could ever be, but it was a summer of doing not much in terms of activities. If we weren't a beachy family, I can see how the children would have gotten bored.

(this is of course, The Ocean House, not my house... my dream house however...)

The house is coming along....we have progress. My kitchen has just been installed-delicious butter yellow cabinets and a beautiful farm sink, though the appliances are on order and won't be in for another week or so, so our dinners are still the grilled and nuked kind.
We are now in 2 bedrooms, with beds and dressers set up, soon to be all the bedrooms completely done, so this is good news. Our waiting, not so patiently I have to admit, is paying off as things are coming together.

(Rolo, Amy & I in Louisville the night before the race)

I was lucky enough to fly to KY for the weekend at the end of August with Rolo and watch 3 of our friends compete in the Louisville Ironman! It was one of the craziest, most emotional things I have ever witnessed, and I suggest all triathletes witness the finish chute to a full Ironman at least once in their life! It was a very long day, 3:30 in the morning until well past 12:30 am the next day of walking, cheering, crying, eating and walking some more. Amy, John and Janel swam, rode and ran their hearts out and all ran across that finish line and lived to tell about it. I'm in the process of doing a slide show because I went with camera, and Rolo wrote a beautiful narrative that I will post here for all to read. She captured the essence of that day wonderfully and I can't wait to share it.

Some of the highlights were thespectators t-shirts! There were so many fun slogans and catch phrases; we photographed them all! This gentleman's shirt said it all! What a hoot!

Betsey had another checkup with Yale recently and her a1c was down, yet again! She's unbelievable! She just went on a white water rafting trip with school that had me all a dither -- it was 2 hours away, no nurse along for the ride, and I trusted a teacher with her to know what to do in the event of an emergency.

Of course everything went fine, no issues, and it was just another step towards independence with type 1. These little steps are thrown at me lately by the handful and I'm just kind of going with them, allowing them to play out -- and we're doing OK. Betsey is playing field hockey this year, a switch over from her usual Fall soccer. Sports and away games, ones that I can not get to, stress me out a little bit, but her coaches seem willing to work with me and her with what needs to be done. A good thing.

My "training" is at a standstill - I had a hip/glute injury for some time and haven't done much running. I raced the Niantic tri with my brother, and this coming weekend we have the N'ski 2nd Annual Tri-B-Que which will be an outstanding venue! Our group of friends all get together before breakfast at the Nski House where we sometimes train for our swim. We pick teams out of a hat, and then divide the swim/bike/run between our 3 teammates. Totally random, totally fun, totally a cheat fest - I think it has ultimately come down to who can cheat he best to win.

I am betting my team wins this year, based on our plan thus far! ;)

There is a 5K road race in October; it was my first road race ever years ago and it's for a very good cause; children who have lost their parents. I hope to run that and then of course the Turkey Trot Thanksgiving day. That about sums up my calendar for this year.

Next year brings new challenges and hopefully more racing. I enjoyed the off season but look forward to some good events next year and some group training.

Looking forward to the next phase with the kiddies in school........

Summer Twenty-Ten, Gometz style

Summer is almost over and not-a-one post from me. The move has taken its toll and I have lost all mojo. I don't know how Speedo is continuing on...I guess he has to.

The children and I have spent a record amount of days and hours logged at the beach... CT beaches, RI beaches and even a tasty trip to the Jersey shore with my brother, a wanna-be-triathlete- and his lovely wife Lactaid and their sweet little babes.

I did one triathlon this summer, the Niantic Bay Tri-my first tri ever, and the one I do now every year. My brother and I raced each other and then drove to the NJ Shore right after it to meet up with his family and mine that had left the night before. We rented a beautiful house a block from the boardwalk.

Suffice it to say, he won the race.... Only by a minute. I beat him in 2 of the events, the bike and run, but my swim time was off by 2 minutes--- I didn't get in the water more than twice to get ready for the race.

Next year. It's mine.

Our house is completely disgusting and a disaster, inside and out. We have no kitchen. Our money pot is running out to fund the projects for the house and it is absolutely the filthiest place I have ever lived in.

A quick recap: we moved in and started gutting right away. When the new laundry room was framed and plumbing and the electrical done, we moved my old washer and dryer in and I was so excited to use them - LOATHE the laundry mat. It was a daily chore, every morning after the gym, to go to the laundry mat. So how exciting it was to have a washer and dryer in place. Well, the pressure the washer, a toilet flushing between 8 people and other things going on in this house put on the failing septic was too much. There it went. I did my first load of laundry and about half way through the cycle, the new bathtub next to the laundry room filled with water, the toilets wouldn't flush - and they had been used - and my washing machine busted out the bottom---water leaking everywhere. Not sure what that was all about??

So septic was replaced sooner than we thought, which was fine, because we knew we had to do it but it took energy away from other things, important things....like a kitchen.

We had a gorgeous shed built to store outside stuff because we have no garage... the house siding has been stripped down and is ready for new siding. Yellow. Yummy yellow. Kitchen has been ordered - butter yellow cabinets, white granite and delicious medium dark vintage floors. Almost all of the windows have been replaced with the exception of a few that we can't get to because our lives-in-boxes are blocking them. The view from the street is that of a haunted looking, worn out house, mismatched windows, a dirt pit for a yard, and an ever-present dumpster. We do finally have two bedrooms done and the children are sleeping in them, after a month or more of 6 mattresses on the floor, 8 people in them. One room. No air conditioning. 4 fans.

So. Much. Fun.

Lost of togetherness!!

On a good note-- Betsey had her check up with Dr. Jen, the diabetic DR, a few weeks ago and her A1c was 6.0!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!! No shots this summer; I couldn't get my act together to wrap my mind around it and set it all up. But the pump is working well this summer, obviously. No terrible highs, nothing earth shattering, thank goodness, because I don't know if I could handle it at this point. We have opted out of the C losed Loop Study for now because of the 101 OBPR house project. We will hop on board that bus as things settle down. I'm sure it's ongoing and she is a prime candidate for it.

School starts in a few days - thank the Lord. We all need a break from each other. Though I have to say a highlight this summer has been our Friday Night Beach Dinner Dates with oodles of good friends. What great memories!

Louisville, KY holds an Ironman this weekend - a FULL Ironman, and Amy is doing it!!! I am flying down with Rolo on Saturday and will photograph the event on Sunday, run with Amy to the finish line when she's through, cheer on our friends John and Janel that are also doing it, and we fly home Monday. I can not wait to be there and witness such an extraoridinary event! Pictures to come....

Life Stress

Wow, I am terrible at maintaining a steady stream of posts here.

In my defense, we have alot going on; with the end of the school hoopla, the activities after school-the oldest one working now (!!!) and with our big move, I can barely remember what Speedo tells me on a daily basis.



(The pic is a photo op of me pretending to aid in the demo process.)


The move is affecting us all. And we haven't even moved yet. The idea of the move is putting some stress on us all, probably in equal degrees, but we all have different worries. The children are stressed because the house is in such disrepair, and they are too young to toss on "vision goggles." The times I have brought them over, all they see is a big yellow mess. They wonder how on earth we're going to live there. I try and explain, "Wow, all those new wires, that's great! The electrician has made us a nice little box for our TV and computers, and look! Those are outlets to plug in our Christmas light this year..." and they just stare blankly, and then run off outside. It's too much for them. They don't see it.


The nights have been sleepless with little people coming in our room often.....snuggling, having a bad dream, needing to be near us, in between us..... on top of us. Ugh. Two adults in a king size bed is almost perfect. A newborn mixed in IS perfect. But, don't jump to conclusions, we don't have a newborn, nor will we again, but that is a delicious bed. But toss in a squirmy toddler, a 6 yr old bed hog and a 2nd grade smotherer, and it gets a little bit hard to get some shut eye.


I see the stress of the upcoming move with Betsey in her numbers. They are a little bit crazy at times, the stress taking over, my seemingly careless attitude about homework and goings on at school while I crunch numbers for our budget on the new house, make oodles of emails and phone calls following up with contractors.... Her sugars go a little off.


And she sleeps restless.


Saturday morning I had another clif shot overdose incident. I got up and got ready for a lengthy solo run, downed some delicious clif shots, checked out my ipod mix, laced my sneaks.... and I heard Libby telling me from upstairs that Betsey needed me.


I knew right away.


She only needs me in the morning upon waking if she is high.


I jolt up the stairs find her tossing and turning holding her head and tummy simultaneously as she says, "no...no noooo."


I grab her DB and test her right away.


305!


Yikes. As I reach for her pump, I notice her site has been disconnected - a problem we've never had with this pump and site. I immediately instructed Speedo to grab the vial of insulin, the needles, a new site, and all the extra goodies we need to start the ketone flush/remedy process. Her insulin cartridge was also almost empty.


I bypassed the pump and gave her a shot in her arm to help get her sugars down fast. We changed her site, put on a temporary rate of extra insulin to really flush those ketones out, which she obviously had- the nausea.


Betsey ended up throwing up, par for the course, and felt better by noon. I didn't get my run in. The extra caffeine and sugars in my clif shots served me well as I got some more packing done and did some extra speedy housework.


Stress does crazy things.



I like a little bit of stress - things to keep me moving, but too much of it is not a good thing, as with anything. Clif shots included.

Sweet Dreams

Betsey came into my room the other morning, a rare occasion in the mornings during the mad dash for the buses, breakfasts and last minute paper signings, hair do-ing, and general chaos. The older 3 girls are always in a hustle and bustle in their morning routines, it's seldom we chat about more than "Did you brush your teeth?" "Is your homework done for sure?" "Don't forget to make your beds please!" "Please pack at least 1 fruit and veggie in your lunches."

That last one, that reminder about good-eats, I swear is followed with an eye roll, as they're stuffing cookie crumbs and granola bars and other snack yummies into their bags.

So as I was doing my foofoo, I heard Betsey approach, notifying me about a dream she had last night that was "so cool." She got my attention.

She wasn't dressed yet, still adorned with bed head and looking warm and cozy in one of my old race tshirts, baggie jammie bottoms and that morning sleepy-eye that only kids call pull off.

"I had this dream, it was so cool. I was at a party, and they were serving candy, and I could just eat it for dinner. There were skittles, and twix and all sorts of chewies and it didn't matter, I could eat all of it."

I listened, watching her gi-normous baby blues dancing as she told me, practically drooling about all that sugar. The first thing I did was smile at her. A happiness smile, like a smile that was warm and reached out to her as if I could wrap her up and that dream and my smile could make it all better. The second thing I did, was ask her a question. With a side glance and a smirk I said, "Did you bolus?"

She smirked back at me and said, "I don't remember."

She felt the need to share with me that she had a food dream where diabetes didn't play a role. Bolusing wasn't dreamt about, her pump wasn't there, and it was a sugar feast!

We had Betsey's check up at Yale last week. We met with Dr. Jen-the diabetic doctor, which is always so enlightening. I respect all of the clinicians at Yale, I take all of their advice and use it, but there is something to be said for receiving advice from someone who has "been there, done that" and I find it reassuring. It's like a mother telling you how to parent one of your children based on experience they've had babysitting the same age child, but not been down that road as a mother themselves. Though, I find the nurses at Yale to be more equipped with Betsey's diabetes even if they don't have it than advice on parenting from the peanut gallery.

Betsey's A1c was a stunning 6.2 - down several points from 3 months ago, and such a good, good thing!! I was so happy and so was she. The smile she gives me at these visits is an "I told you so" and she looks so darn beautiful when she looks at me like that. I see her father's kindness and my smugness all mixed into her loveliness. We discussed her not wearing her medic alert, something that is like a seat belt for her. The doctor explained the importance of it, and of course, coming from anyone but Mom, it sounds better, and whaddya know? She's been wearing her dog tag necklace ever since. :)

We're heading for big adventures in our house in the coming months-we are moving and the house we've bought is a doozy and needs oodles of TLC. I will be looking forward to training rides for the JDRF ride in July to help keep my mind level with all the work we have ahead of us! The time is nearing and I have to sign up...... With the upcoming move, I have put all plans for any races on hold and will offically call it an "off season." I'll do the 100 mile ride and some road races, but no big events for me this year.

Life is busy. Life is good-Betsey had another great check up and at least in her dreams, she doesn't need to worry about counting carbs and bolusing!

Sweet Easter Dinner

I made a reservation yesterday at a restaurant down the street for our Sunday Easter Dinner. The 8 of us started this tradition a few years ago, after Speedo's Grammie passed. It's almost always just us, but one time my mother came along as she was recently divorced and another year my 3 sisters, 1 with her brood of children came. We usually ride bikes or walk, depending on how late we're running, but it's really only less than 1/2 a mile away. One year we rode bikes, I was 7 months pregnant with #6! With a large tummy and a full one after a big meal, it was almost impossible to ride that bike home!

When Speedo reminded me to call the restaurant to reserve us a table, the first thing that came to my mind is a still image of us around a round table. Betsey is next to me, Speedo a couple seats around the table, and I have my arms in the air, one hand cautiously holding a vial of insulin, the other a syringe. The look on my face is almost panic.

Did we look that unsure, that scared and nervous to an outsider? The couple at the next table over? The family across from us? I don't know. All I remember from that Easter was the little bit of panic I felt about bringing Betsey out to eat, to a restaurant, making sure we remembered everything she needed. At the time, we didn't live here, so close to the restaurant, but a mere 7 minutes farther.

But we were only 1 month into her diagnosis. We brought with us a notebook, a 5 subject notebook, that we recorded what she ate, the time she ate, the carbs consumed, the insulin given and at what time. And we called Yale daily. We'd go over that notebook page for the day with them, discuss what to give her for insulin the next morning, the next night, all the while trying to make sure her carb intake was about the same at each meal, each snack so her insulin doses could be properly figured out. She was still in the "honeymoon" phase - a period of time, usually about a year after diagnosis, where the body is still making insulin, but not in enough quantities to properly aid the body. And nothing consistent, so dosing through injections was a tricky thing. And I knew nothing.

Nothing.

I think we brought about 4 syringes with us. We only needed 1. We had the 2 vials of insulin; humulin, the long lasting to cover her through the night and humalog, the fast acting to cover the carbs she'd be eating right away.

1 shot. 1 syringe. 4 extra just in case.

Well it was a good thing we had the just in case-ers. I could not draw up her dosage properly. I broke one of the needles off, I dropped another, and the 3rd try I knew I had to get it otherwise we'd be really pushing our luck. Even though the drive home was not far, I felt like I needed to have that last syringe available in the event of an emergency.

But the 3rd didn't do it. I don't remember what I did. Maybe I didn't know which of the vials I had drawn from for the first dose... I forget honestly. But I was always afraid of giving too much of one, and not enough of the other.

I was getting so frustrated, scared, angry... worrying about offending people with the needle, what would they be thinking I was doing? Giving her the shot in public like that, another child seeing... Betsey's embarrassment over having to expose her arm for a shot.... all just to eat. Betsey's mother was creating a scene without even trying. My face was flushed, my hands sweaty.

Speedo convinced me to calm down. Think. Just think and do it.

Now, if Betsey needs a shot or to bolus with her pump or to test, we do it whenever, wherever, no matter. It's like breastfeeding had become to me; I have more than 8 years breastfeeding under my belt and after #3 I would nurse anywhere without even thinking about it; making dinner, grocery shopping, vacuuming, at any doctor's office, restaurant, playdate, anywhere. Except driving.

Of course we got it done. And we ate. We had our first Easter with Betsey as a diabetic. Seems silly. But there's a divide in our lives, for all of us, with events.

Before the wedding. Before the engagement. Before the move. Before the baby.

Before diabetes.

Most of what we talk about Betsey is as a diabetic. But on occassion, the stories come up from before March 13, 2005, and as we say, "Before Betsey had diabetes."

We all are very much looking forward to Easter Sunday this weekend and our little family tradition. It's simple. It's fun. It's easy and it's a great memory each time. Each year it's a little sweeter.

No pun intended.

(That cartoon at the top, by the way, is one of my favorites! It makes me giggle every time I see it.)

JDRF Ride To Cure, 2010

I have officially decided to sign up for the Ride To Cure, Burlington VT 2010 this year!

I hope to visit the website this week and fill in the form to register and start my fundraising page. I totally appreciate all the donations last year, and my goal will be the same this year -$3000! I have a few ideas of how to raise the funds, but if you have any, please pass them along! Asking for $ is so hard in this day in age, especially with our economy the way it is.

Details, training stories, and a link to the fundraising page coming soon...

1 Year & 5 Year Anniversary

I started this blog a little over a year ago today, March 13, 2009, 4 years prior that Betsey was diagnosed with type 1.

And our world as we knew it changed forever.

Today, 5 years later, my day was packed full from the minute I woke up until now, as I sit here wanting to document another "day in the life" and such an important marking in our family history. It was so busy, I only had a few moments to even think about sitting and writing about today and my thoughts on "5 years later with a daughter with type 1."

I took the day off from my training routine that has begun - not in earnest , unfortunately - my heart is not there yet as the weather still is not cooperating enough here in New England for me to get outside on my bike. So I have upped my swimming and running but slacked on the bike part. My first big race is the Half Ironman in June, REV3, the one Amy & I did last year. I feel comfortable enough in knowing what's expected of my body come that time and I feel like I have a safe couple more weeks to "slack" before I really stick to the plan.

Two-thirds of the children had CCD, but we picked them up early because Betsey had a bar mitzvah to go to right after CCD and needed to dress herself up, which at her age, natural young beauty to her advantage, calls for a strings of chunky pearls, matching earrings, a lovely plain dress and that killer smile. If only it was that easy for all of us!

I wanted to drive Betsey to the synagogue to quickly brief the mother about Betsey, make her aware of her situation. I knew she'd probably be crazy with getting everyone adjusted, so many children from the boy's class as well as family and friends attending. I took her aside briefly, had her recognize Betsey, make sure she knew if Betsey needed to eat during the service, that it was OK.

"Absolutely. Ben's Dad is a diabetic, so we know all about this!"

"Umm, really?"

"Yes. So we understand."

I am always skeptical when someone "understands" because most diabetes discussed are type 2.

"Type 1?" I ask.

"Oh yes, he wears a pump and everything. Yes, I understand," she said with a warm smile.

Well no kidding. Here I was a little panicky about leaving her, for the day (pick up was at 5pm, the whole day later!) thinking back and forth about staying, having Speedo pop in, double checking with 2 of her friends to make sure they knew what to do in the event of an emergency.....and the mother of the boy was reassuring me because she knew all about it.

"OK, so if she needs to eat..."

"We have clif bars, all sorts of things, she can 'crinkle' during the service with Ben's dad if she has to," she said smiling at Betsey making a gesture with her hands as if to unwrap a noisy wrapper.

HUGE heavy sigh.

I left with a skip in my step. Someone else was reassuring me it was going to be OK. Another step towards letting go.

Betsey's younger sister Greta had her birthday party at a gymnastics place this afternoon so we prepped for that in between Betsey's drop off, tied up loose ends and then I was off for the party.

Betsey's other sister Libby had a date with her Auntie for a mani/pedi for her Birthday, and I managed to sneak in a small cat nap for 1/2 an hour while Greta looked through her goodies from her friends with the littlest, Margot.

We had dinner plans with Rolo and her family tonight and I have been flat out exhausted with some house stuff we have going on.... another story.

The nap served me well.

Betsey texted me a few times to check in; her sugar had spiked to 481 (!!!) later in the afternoon... "There was lots of candy on the table, I bolused, so yea..." was her text when I said "WHAT?!"

It was the dress-- every time she wanted to eat,her pump was hooked on her boxer shorts under her dress and she didn't want to have to access it, so in went the candy, and never an insulin to cover. Uh huh.

And then Rolo called to tell us her power was out and her cooking had come to a halt. The weather is downright hurricane-ish tonight; winds blowing trees down and horizontal rains. So we stayed home, popped in Mary Poppins for the littles and donned our comfiest jammies.

All day, my thoughts came and went about Betsey, not only because she was away from me all day, in someone else's hands that I didn't even know, but the remembering of her diagnosis day. When I texted her after she was at the bar mitzvah that it was 5 years ago today, she said, "Really? wow." She hadn't realized. Last year she did. This year, it was just another day.

Not to me though. It's never just another day. It's the day I remember as a blow. A whirlwind. A disaster. A complete shock and state of confusion. A whole boat load of sadness and fear.

But I was soooo busy today. From the minute I got my lazy bum out of bed at 6:30 until now, I have kept my mind busy busy busy. Not much time to dwell on the sadness of the reality.

And I think that's a good thing. I am learning to cope with it better. Learning to accept it....not like it, but accept it. It is as it is. I can not change it but I can work with it and deal with it.

And the rain today-well perfectly suited for a diagnosis date for Betsey. Oddly enough, as much as it is so yucky and miserable out, it is Betsey's favorite weather.

Ironic.

It's all in how you look at things, and you make them what you want them to be.

Betsey, my sugary sweetie, I love you to bits.

Happy (belated) Birthday to Tucker!

Betsey's only brother turned 8 on February 20th!

Shockingly handsome isn't it?

Life's Curve Balls....(public pep talk)

Every once in a while I have to step back and thank God, literally, for what I have and who I have in my life.

I have a supportive, caring, deeply committed -albeit flirty- husband in Speedo (coming up on 14 years-holy wow!), 6 beautiful, witty and charismatic children, an army of friends that graciously pick me up emotionally as needed, listen to me, respect and trust me, laugh with me and cry with me, and I, likewise, offer them the same. I often wonder at how I got where I am.

My children, those that are old enough to understand, know "the story" - or part of it anyway - and know that choices I made were not good ones. I use my story as an example of what NOT to do! :)

I became an emancipated minor when I was almost 17 -basically divorced my parents, and for not a reason I care to share, because, hind sight, oy vey-it really was a dumb reason that pushed me to that point. I brought them to court, stood before the judge and convinced him I was capable of being an emancipated minor. He bought it, hook, line and sinker, and granted me the freedom I so desperately wanted back then.

I lived in many places during those times; other people's rentals until they kicked me out because I wasn't contributing to their rent, friends houses until their moms said I should just go home, backs of cars, hotels with random people I met. I showered wherever I could if I wasn't sleeping in a place where a shower was an option. Often times I "bathed" in a nearby lake.

I worked 2 jobs to support myself back then, and used what money I made to "get by" and by "getting by" I mean a handful of devil dogs for the day, a couple packs of smokes and someones willingness to drive me from point A to point B and not want gas money. I made ends meet, and it worked for me.

These are all choices I made, all choices I lived with and I was happy enough to come and go as I pleased. I wasn't really going anywhere...I was living day to day, hour to hour, "having fun." I was happy enough doing what I was doing. Life was about making it to the next day.

The summer I was 18 was when I found out I was pregnant. I was tubing on the Connecticut River late one warm summer day.

This changed my life forever. Just 18 years old. Pregnant. No real place to call "home." Talk about a dilemma!

There are many pieces to the story of what happened to me from the time I ran away from home at 16 until the day Hayley turned 6 months old, and many more, much happier times after that milestone. I had an interesting spell of years during that time, a time I wouldn't change for the world because it made me the woman I am today, the mother that I am, the friend that I have become. Those years shaped me in ways I am still discovering to this day. I share bits and pieces as the time seems fit, and with only a select few I am close enough to trust with my deepest secrets. Those I know won't judge, won't ask too many questions and just listen as I share.

I chose to turn my life around when Hayley was born. I chose to grow up prematurely and be the mom I always thought I should be the day I would be so lucky to have children. I chose to drag my a$$ out of the gutter and make something for this beautiful little person who looked at me and only knew love. Speedo always right by my side, offering his hand and gentle help.

Oh those times were tough alright. I cried many nights wondering how the hell I was ever going to be able to make it as a mom. It wasn't about me anymore, I had a little human being depending on me and needing me.

Life throws curve balls all the time. It's what you choose to do with them that counts.

Where am I going with this??

I'm pep-talking myself.

Remember Meghan? You can do this! You overcame one other obstacle, a big one...you can overcome this one....It's how you choose to deal with this diabetes dilemma....

Betsey's diabetes diagnosis was a curve ball. We're still swinging at it, sometimes making contact, sometimes striking out. But we always get another chance. Right now, it is a series of curve balls, and we're not walking any bases--we are striking out every time! I know it'll work itself out one of these days... I know it. But I'm finding myself frustrated, at a loss, and like I'm constantly talking to a brick wall.

Just a curve ball. Life. We're going to get through this one....

Clinic: Happy Tid Bits

We visited Yale last week for Betsey's 1st check up in 2010! It was one of the better visits - for both of us. Her A1c is 6.7 which is really great, again, and I'm happy about it. It is up from last time, but under that magical number of "7" that they like to keep it. It's a lot of work to keep that number down, I tell ya. It's lots of nagging, lots of adjusting and constant management. It's doable. It's a lot, but doable.

We met with a doctor who, incidentally, is a type 1 diabetic herself and Betsey admitted to me after, she liked that a lot. Betsey, she-of-little-words-in-public-but-the-loudest-at-home didn't say much during the visit (shocker) but she listened, watched and felt a connection. I could tell she was comfortable because she didn't hesitate as she normally would when asked to show her site areas which requires her to drop her drawers. But because Dr. Jen stood and motioned to areas on her own self where she wears sensors and sites, Bets kind of relaxed her shoulders. A silent sigh of relief sort of.

Again, I always leave clinic with a new Tid Bit of information. When I leave with more than 1 Tid Bit, it makes me a happy mom-of-a-diabetic-daughter. No pat-pat, but I do a pretty good job of regulating Betsey. I am on it. Too on it sometimes, I know. And I feel like I know what I'm doing. I like that. I think there are certain things you do in life and you have to have the confidence in order to do them well. I read oodles when Betsey was diagnosed, listened often, googled lots, asked many many questions, probably to the point of being annoying. On the ride to the hospital when she was diagnosed, I called my sister in law's (Lactaid) father who is an endocrynologist and with pad and pen in hand, took notes as her gave me the diabetes 101 so I knew what to ask in the ER, what to look for, what to do....

I wanted to be armed with what I needed to know. And I have so much more to learn.

Obviously. I love being put in my place. Honest. It's humbling.

Betsey was having a low kind of day that day-- dropping low constantly, despite eating the normal foods, no excessive exercise the day before, nothing of note to indicate possible low blood sugars. In the course of the morning, she had dropped low 5x, and was never over 110. Several blood sugar checks in the office in front of the DR.

Dr. Jen mentioned the benefits of temporary rate settings on the pump and asked if we utilized that feature on the pump; which we do. Often. Its' one of the features we find to be key in managing blood sugar levels during the day. And she suggested a temp rate b/c sometimes those lows just keep on comin' and you need a temp rate.

Whenever I've been in clinic with Betsey, and I have to suggest her to test, do something with the pump, anything that is diabetes related, I feel eyes watching me. Not judging, but watching. Kind of like a mentor witnessing a student delivering information that has been passed on to them.

When I think a temporary rate is needed, I do a very quick "equation" in my head-- I consider any meals she has eaten that day, any activities coming in the next hours, foods that will or will not be eaten, blood sugar patterns during that same time on previous days... and from all those gathered bits of info, I make a decision about what the temp rate should be. I told Bets the temp rate to put on (the % of her basal to cut) and then the duration to enter. Almost in the same breath, Dr. Jen, a diabetic herself with the same pump and knows about a low blood sugar day, offers her suggestion to me with a great explanation as to why, and what she knows and has seen and dealt with, not only with herself but all the diabetics in the practice etc etc etc. The look I gave her must have caused her a moment of "oops, did I overstep?" I smiled so big. I felt so good at that moment. I love constructive criticism and learning. And I wouldn't even call her explanation constructive criticism, but rather just an educated, experienced explanation and re-direction. I was so excited. Tid Bit #1. A new understanding of temporary rates.

We did some basal adjustments which I try and manage on my own going over info on Betsey's pump from her sensor as well as the numbers we log daily. But an experienced professional sees the things I don't see or know to look at and makes adjustments with some crazy mathematical equation based on total daily dose of insulin and the insulin given for correction vs for food, etc. It's fascinating. It's like one big science experiment. Tid Bit #2.

When "any more questions?" was asked I brought up the swimming issue. 2 of Betsey's siblings have started swim lessons and Betsey would also like to participate, but I have this dilemma with the swim thing and Betsey. The water, the swimming... whatever it is, it makes her sugar plummet. Just last week we went to the pool after lunch to swim as a family and she had forgotten to bolus for her lunch. Checking her sugar before the swim, she was 350+! Normally we'd correct that, but since she would be swimming, I knew better and to leave it. I had Betsey climb out and test an hour later-125ish. BIG drop. Knowing we'd be leaving shortly there after, I let her hop back in, but within 20 minutes, she climbed out on her own saying she thought she was low. She was 37!!!!! I hadn't brought snack in with us and the juice wasn't going to cut it so I ran out to the car to get some food, and she needed it!!

Upon discussing this with the DR, she confirmed it's a given and that it happens with her also. She gave us some great tips for swimming as a diabetic.......what numbers need to be treated, how often to check blood sugars, foods to eat and treat with, and the amounts of fast acting carbs, proteins, etc to eat with any given number range.

Ahhhhhh. Swimming stresses me out with Betsey. It's always an issue. Now I have a better idea of how to help stabilize sugars for a good uninterrupted family swim, and maybe even lessons! Tid Bit #3.

We bumped into Amy T. who is in charge of the clinical studies and informed us that the study Betsey will participate in just got FDA approval and she's 4th on the list. They're hoping to double up kids in the hospital for the stay in which case she may go in earlier than expected. She is still willing to participate and I am excited about the idea of it. Tid Bit #4.

Happy Tid Bits are always a good thing!

Diabetes Thoughts

When Betsey was first diagnosed with diabetes, that day, I remember so much of my feelings, the emotion, the clothing I was wearing... It's almost a still picture in my mind. A bunch of stills. And they move slowly through the frames in my head. One after the other. When I sit and think about that day, and the days that followed, I relive the same thing over and over in my head, going through the stills, frame by frame, often shedding a tear or 2 and getting choked up. Seldom do I revisit that time in its entirety. It still, almost 5 years later, is a lot for me to take in all at once.

I read and re-read Betsey's diagnosis story that I wrote as my first post on this blog. It still makes me cry. I know this kid. I know the story. I lived the story. I am living it. With her. And it still brings back raw emotion.

Is it the weight of the emotion from that time; the month of the diagnosis? Is it the reality of the larger picture? Is it the sadness I feel for her and all the things that could happen to her innocent young body? Is it just the idea of it.... diabetes?

Diabetes was something I, like many other people, thought was all about sugar,. You either ate too much of it and your body decided to rebel and get after you, or you just couldn't have it. That was about the extent of what I knew. I don't even know if I had spoken the word "insulin" out loud in my vocabulary once in my life prior to that. Why would I have? It wasn't part of my life. Insulin didn't sit in my fridge or on my counter. Insulin wasn't delivered to my house in a refrigerated styrofoam box from a medical supply company. Insulin wasn't a smell I was familiar with. And now, the smell of it lingers in our house, mentally and physically. Often times I can smell it on Betsey. Is it physcological? Or is it my super-sniffer as Speedo calls it?

When I read that post about Betsey's diagnosis, I think of how ignorant and uneducated I was at the beginning. And how little I knew and thought about her future. It was all then and now. Even today, I don't like to, scratch that, won't allow myself to think too far ahead. College. Can't and won't. I have to live in the now with her and diabetes. It overwhelms me. It saddens me more than I can tell you to think of her growing up with this nonsense.

Did you know that insulin is not a cure? It's a lifeline.

Did you know that people with type 1 are at greater risk for eye problems, like glaucama & cataracts.

Did you know that most people with type 1 will get retinopathy, a disorder of the retina?

Did you know that type 1 diabetics are likely to have foot problems, like neuropathy, which can and will lead to amputation?

Did you know for type 1 diabetics it is almost a death sentence to not have tight control, because prolonged high blood sugar causes damage to nerves and blood vessels faster than normal.

Did you know that type 1 diabetics are at a much greater risk for heart attack and stroke?

Did you know this information is stuff I try not to read or write or think about?

Uh oh!

News and dates for the VT JDRF ride have been announced via email to our crew of riders from last year.

Not great.

July 15-18 in Burlington VT. Sounds great, but some of the people that rode last year have their big Half Ironman in Providence the weekend before and there is no way they''ll be up for 100 miles the following weekend. After my half last year, I was out for a while trying to get a feel for my legs!!

Ugh.

I may ride solo or with another chapter. I have to get my schedule in place for my races this year and figure it out....

Kind of a bummer. :(

JDRF Ride 2010

It's January and a new set of training plans are tentatively in place for the upcoming years' event calendar for me! I received word from my friend Steve that the JDRF VT ride this year will most likely be in July, not August, and perhaps at a different location than last years. My children are so excited at the idea of going to VT again - that trip brings back such fond memories for them and myself alike.

As I look forward to this year, I have decisions to make about what events I'm going to be partaking in. I have to figure out which distance races are going to influence my training plans. I have settled on a marathon for sure!! Jen and I have committed to that and very much look forward to adding that to our list of accomplishments!

Amy has officially signed up for an Ironman, a FULL Ironman!! Her training has begun as of this week and all of her races this year will focus around prepping for that event. That is a 2 mile swim, a 112 mile bike and a marathon to finish! Unbelievable! I was concerned about the date of her event falling on the same weekend as my JDRF Ride for Betsey, but with the change to the ride being in July, looks like I'll be able to fly down to Kentucky and cheer her on and watch her cross that finish line! I can NOT wait for that!

As far as the JDRF ride goes, the fundraising is always a concern for me and I hope to look into a new way of raising the mandatory amount of $3000 to ride. I simply won't ask the same people who so generously donated to me last year -- did I mention that my total amount raised was $1000+ over my goal and I received a black Nike JDRF jacket to boot?!!

And this update wouldn't be complete without a word about Betsey, the reason this whole blog started. She's doing well. She recovered quickly from the swine flu that we all had a while back. I was so thankful it didn't react adversely with her and cause us any problems. I think Speedo had the worst go of it. Men when they are sick!

Betsey's schoolwork is continuing to shine; she enjoys the challenges her classes offer. She is still "forgetting" to test and/or bolus often while at school. The lunch time call with her blood sugar is often the first one I get for the day and it's usually high because she didn't test for snack or bolus for whatever she ate. Then she over-boluses for her lunch to compensate and ends up low later.

The eye rolling and heavy sighing from her is a given at any point of me mentioning proper care, and just recently, she's started more seriously protesting site change and sensor wearing. Obviously I have to put my foot down about the site change-- the sensor isn't mandatory, but it sure helps with nighttime readings and makes ME feel better.

I get a lot of, "In a minute..." or "Later..." when suggesting it's a good time to change it. Half the time she does it on her own, without any help from me, and half the time she wants me to do it. She admitted she wants me to have more influence with regard to "nagging" her about when to test, to change her site, reminders about good food choices - and even though she continues to argue with me when I do nag, she told me it's just too much for her sometimes. She'd rather have that load on me.

And that's fine.

If I could take it all I would.

We have clinic in a couple weeks. Her favorite visit! ;) Once again, I get butterflies thinking about it and wonder what that A1c will be with such loosey goosey control. We're still waiting on word about the Clinical Trial - no news yet.....