Dear Patience Fairy....

Please sprinkle some patience dust down on me as I am struggling to find it these days... I think I'm running on fumes. I need it for those times when my broken-record voice goes unanswered, and my quiet & gentle reminders aren't so quiet and gentle. I like to have a reserve of the patience dust for the mornings when I know a ketone induced trip to the bathroom -like this morning- that could have been avoided happens. I need extra for the times when an "I told you so" is only going to hurt feelings and not be heard anyway.... I need it for my own piece of mind... I have to fill my patience tank to be able to handle this next phase we seem to be entering .. as a mother of a teenage diabetic girl.

PS-The faster you can sprinkle... the better.

One Tough Month

Swine flu has hit CT and we were inundated with it for the past few weeks! Since Speedo and I got back from our delicious trip to Florida, one child after another, sometimes 2 overlapping at a time, have had the Piggy Flu. We had not gotten the vaccine for them (and I hadn't decided whether or not I would....) because I was incorrectly told that because they all had just received their seasonal flu shot, they had to wait 28 days until they got the H1N1 vaccine. This only pertains to the live nasal spray vaccine for seasonal flu - because it is a "live vaccine."

In any event, we aren't getting it now, because we have had our run of on-and-off-again high fevers, a sore throat that radiates to the muscles on the outside of the throat making it nearly impossible to cough without cringing in writhing pain, weird crazy body aches, and a residual cough that lingers (for up to 3 weeks they say!) and sounds like you have a crew of smokers on your hands!

Speedo and I came down with it within 24 hours of each other, just as we were high fiving as all the children were given the OK to go back to school and no one would be home... life would resume.

Shouldn't have high-fived it.

I came down with a fever within 3 hours, Speedo the next night, same thing.

He and I both ended up in "cozies" for about 4 days, on and off the couch, watching oodles of TV (have you seen the stuff on TV during the day?! WHO watches that cr@p??!) and downing Advil to ward off the random aches that came with it.

It wasn't terrible. On and off fever, a dry hacking cough which eventually turns soupy, a couple aches and pains.... We were pretty tired though. I'd take it over the tummy bug any day though!

It certainly didn't inhibit the appetite, which makes me wonder the real reason it was dubbed swine flu? Day 3 of it, Speedo shuffled his slippered feet into the kitchen and noticed some maple syrup in the pantry and suggested since we have French bread, why not have French Bread French toast - at 11 o'clock in the morning?

Who does that?

So we ate French Bread French Toast and watched some ridiculous talk show about cousins marrying cousins and why they think it's OK. What??

Unfortunately we missed the last 2 weeks of our Ballroom Dancing; one week because of sick little Piggies, and the last because we were the Piggies. I think we're considering private lessons from Laurent (lauRRR-awnt) as he was pretty good, and we picked it up quickly, and... I really, really liked it.

Our puppy Tookie is the only one who escaped Swine Flu and was well, thanks to Dr. Gogo's A+ check up, just in time to celebrate her 1st Birthday! We had party hats and a floppy cake to celebrate her on a year of surviving little people!

Betsey did have it as I somewhat suspected. She fared well, no problems, considering she was in the "high risk" category.

Betsey is rebelling more and more with her diabetes.... making me consider her "high risk" on a whole 'nother level. She's starting to test less as I've given her a little wiggle room with me and reporting back to me during the day. I've let some things go, and come down harder on others. I know it falls on deaf ears when I remind her of the importance of testing before certain activities, and before bed, (this one drives me CrAzY!) and making sure she has what she needs on her way out the door for school or what have you. I am getting used to the eye roll, the trying-to-conceal-sigh, the foot tap.... well, not used to, but its all expected.

It doesn't matter how many times I remind her to do certain things, because right now she is feeling out what she can get away with -with her body- and how far she can go.... Tough to watch I tell ya.

The other day I looked through her meter to get a handle on her numbers throughout the day... One day, she had tested a total of THREE times!! That's it! Normally, it's an average of 10!!!

So yesterday she had to stay after school to make up a math test that she missed when she was out with the flu. This year she is in an advanced math class and it's good for her. It's challenging her and she's working at it. It makes it more fun for her believe it or not.

She asked to walk with her friends when she was done, and if I could pick her up at 3:30. Not a problem. I show up to pick her up where she was supposed to be, her friends are there but said she never showed because of some math test.

Ugh. I hustle over to the school, stop in the office, have them call to the classroom she is supposed to be in. By this time it's about 3:40, well past time for an afternoon snack for her, and I never heard from her for a blood sugar before the test, after school. Nothing. I didn't really think she would, but I hoped. Because I reminded her. Again.

Yes, she was still in the classroom, still taking the test.... I went to the classroom and Betsey had just tested an handed in what was finished on the test... She was 62!

I knew it!

I looked at her teacher to let her know I was a little bit concerned...

"You know that is going to affect her score, right?"

"Well she hasn't finished yet so..."

The teacher said she could finish the test during a free period the next day or whenever, but I was concerned about the length of time it took Betsey to do the test - almost a full hour! The test was given during regular class time.

This conversation lasted less than 2 minutes, Betsey was packed up and ready to go.

She bolted out of the classroom and started crying as soon as we turned the corner.

"I think I just totally failed it!"

I asked her to stop, what was the problem, how long was she low for....what was going on???

So unlike her.

Turns out, she was low probably 10-15 minutes after school, didn't test though. According to the principal, the teacher thought she looked low at the onset of the test and asked if if she should test. Betsey said No.

Betsey said she didn't even know what was on the test...didn't know how to explain to me what was on it... It was hard. Stuff they must have learned when she was out. She was almost mumbling her words. She didn't feel low, though.

I told her that just because she doesn't have the typical symptoms she normally gets, doesn't mean that feeling she's got isn't a low...and that she should stop and test. Like in the water. Betsey doesn't feel a low when she's swimming. That's the danger. She just keeps on going, not feeling the physical effects of the insulin side effect. Not until she gets out and stand up does the weight of her body help enable her to acknowledge the problem. So while she sat in the chair, concentrating so hard on the test, trying to finish in a relatively good time so she could get out and socialize with her friends before I picked her up, she pushed the symptoms she was having aside.

The frustration. The eyes not focusing. The hunger pain. The annoyance of everything including the chair she sat in.

All signs pointing to a low blood sugar.

Ohhh Betsey.

I didn't want to bombard her right there... she was feeling low as it was and nothing sounds good to her ears unless I'm discussing ice cream, brownies, desserts... and even then, she just wants me and anyone else to shut up until she feels better.

Last night we discussed the test. She realized she was low, too low to concentrate, and that is why she did not feel she did well an it took so long.

I didn't delve into why she hadn't stopped to test, or why she didn't test in the first place. If I had asked her to lecture me what I would have said to her, she would have done so verbatim what I would have said.

She knows. She's heard it all before.

I don't know if she was making the test up today during a free period or not.

It's one thing if she doesn't know the material and bombs it the 2nd time, but it's an entirely different story if she bombs it because her blood sugar is off.

....Results to come....

Not-Forgotten Blog

I haven't forgotten... just have been caught up with busy times in our house; end of season sports, swine flu (all 8 of us) and school stuff with the chidlren.

I hope to write again soon.... Thanks for checking in.

Fever-abetes

Bets woke up this morning with a low grade fever.

I went to spin class this morning and a sixth sense told me to leave early. I left during the last song. I stretched quickly and headed home, not expecting to find anything or see some crazy spectacle near my house, but leaving early isn't something I do; I actually wish the class was longer if anything.

But I thought I should leave early. A mom thing? That feeling?

I saw Speedo off to work and headed upstairs to do the morning roll call and help with clothes and beds. When I got out of the shower, Betsey was still in bed - not good place to be 25 minutes before the bus is coming - so I went to her and she coughed. She's had a lingering cough that has been bothering her and while it sounded the same, none for the worse, she felt sick.

Sure enough, the thermometer confirmed my suspicions. Low grade fever coupled with that dry cough.

Swine flu? She hasn't gotten the H1N1 vaccine yet, and I'm still on the fence about it. The hysteria makes it all seem so horrible but some cases I've seen are perfectly fine and the kids are just tired and out of it from the fever. Then there are the documented cases of the littles who get it, or the ones with compromised immune systems, and they're not so lucky with the mild symptoms. There's another vaccine clinic in a week or so and I will have appointments for the baby and one for Betsey, but I'm not sure if we'll in fact get it for them.

In 5 minute intervals, 2 more children approached me with 'that look.' One of them was up in the middle of the night with a croupy cough and seems to have developed more symptoms throughout the night. Thermometer checks confirmed they both have fevers as well.

Betsey's numbers have been running on the higher side, hovering 200's - typical of an indication of her fighting something. Hopefully a good nights sleep and some rest tomorrow will have her back to normal.

This is Fall in the northeast. The sickies have begin! Ick.

If I don't start oinking from being surrounded by all these possible cases of swine flu, all the Halloween candy may surely get me oinking

Speedo & I Head South

Speedo and I took our first vacation ever from all 6 children this past weekend. We had a long weekend trip to Florida to visit my brother, Metro, his beautiful wife Lactose, and their super sweet little babies! My brother, and his wife were very gracious hosts and made our visit very comfortable and relaxing. We basked in the warm Florida sunshine, ate out almost every single meal until we couldn't button our pants, swam in the Gulf of Mexico, jet skied in the Sarasota Bay with dolphins and manatees, laughed often, and thoroughly relished in our days away from all those little people. It was a slice of heaven. A well deserved and much needed trip alone.

Even though we were 1300 miles from home, sans any little people, we were still connected. Still had a line of communication wide open for any emergency calls. And of course, for Betsey.

The preparation for us to go away (for only 4 days) was exhausting to say the least and the 2 days prior to leaving, I actually had several people say to me, Kinda makes you want to just faggettaboutit and stay home, huh? Don't worry, it'll be worth it.

I'm pretty organized when it comes to the children, pretty regimented. I have to be to make it run smoothly. And I am a fan of lists. I can not get through a week, let alone a day without lists. Squeezing in the amount of time it took to organize my thinking and preparation for all 6 littles, middles and big-uns for 4 short days was a ginormous mind hurting task.

(supplies needed for Betsey to stay 4 days without me...just in case...)

I really wanted all the children to be together while we were away; I felt better about it that way and I know they did too. The sleeping issue was my main concern - children tend to fall into sleeping habits that make or break the night. Our children sleep with noise, white noise. A light is optional, but noise is mandatory. Speedo and I sleep with the TV on for light and noise. Jen's family sleeps the same way we do, and I knew, if she agreed to having them all, a total of 11 kids under 1 roof for several days, that that would be a perfect match.

She agreed. And I love her for that.

Planning out Betsey's 4 days without me was so fine tuned, I almost felt like a robot. Jen came over one day, notebook in hand, pencil in ear, ready to take notes as I talked to her about diabetes. Diabetes 101. We went over about 70% of what it was going to take to get her through the days she'd have Betsey in her care. Everything from low blood sugars needing the glucagon to pump failure and who to call. I had the school nurse, 1 mom from town with a diabetic child, Yale, and a few close friends "on call" in the event of an emergency with Betsey.

Jen typed up her notes, in outline form, emailed them to me to proofread and make any corrections, and then she was good to go! I felt comfortable leaving Betsey with her. And she was confident to be able to handle what diabetes threw her.

Betsey's numbers couldn't have been any more fluctuated than when we were away. High, high numbers, 300+ to lows right before bed. It just happened to be a quirky couple of days, go figure. But I was only a phone call away. Communication by cell phone was a constant and of course, crucial to making sure Betsey did as she should to keep things relatively simple for everyone else. One night I actually called our eldest cell phone knowing she was just back from a school dance and had her wake Betsey to test her "just in case." It was a group effort to keep Betsey in a safe spot diabetes wise. If you had asked me a year ago, even 6 months ago if I'd leave Betsey, I would have quickly said No way. What a difference a year makes.

Everything turned out fine.

Betsey survived. I survived.

All the prep was worth it. The hours and hours it took me to get it all together... it was all good.

Metro - keep working hard, my friend....

Next summer... can't wait!

Ketones with a Side of Caffeine

My alarm goes off regularly at 4:30am, earlier if I am doing some insane workout that requires travel time in addition to workout time. I like it though. I like to be up earlier than anyone else, especially the little people in my house. I need to work it out before I am an M-O-M. It makes me a better M-O-M.

Today started out as any other day.... Alarm goes off. Hit snooze 3 or 4 times, knowing my clocks all run 8 minutes faster than anyone else's. After all, my house number is 8 and there are 8 of us in our family, so it only makes sense. Today was a run day-my favorite day of all to get up. I would run every day if my body would allow it. Doesn't have to be fast, doesn't have to be hot or cold out, but outside, with company, and with some music. Hands down, the best way for me to start my day. The plan was for a quick 7 miles. A very enjoyable route with a few gals.

I won't usually eat before a run, but for 7 miles I like to munch a few shot bloks for a small caffeine boost and some calories. Because they have caffeine at it's 5am in the morning by the time I get out of the house, I make sure I'm going to run and those that said they were running....are. Today, I ended up driving behind Kerry and knew she was on her way to meet up. I downed those suckers--3 shot bloks, I LOVE them!

As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, my phone rang. It was Betsey.

I thought she dialed me on accident in her sleep. 5am call from Betsey??

She needed an insulin cartridge. She felt "OK."

I peeled out of the parking lot, hoping to make it home with time to change her cartridge, something she can do on her own, but I didn't think at that point, why is she calling me when she can do this herself? and race back to the meet up, or at least catch the gals as they ran past my house.

Well, turns out Betsey was high. She was pushing 500 mg/dl!! She didn't want me to go. She felt "OK" but felt better if I stayed. And of course I would stay with her. It wasn't a question of me staying with her. But by now, my shot bloks had started kicking in and I was wide awake. They must really perk you up if you eat them and then don't burn off energy and USE the caffeine in them. Oh yea.... they certainly do.

Wide awake. With no running legs.

Bets, when did you start going high? Look through your pump at your sensor.

Umm, the sensor ended yesterday, I have no signal.

Allllrighty. Well, what did you tell me your number was last night before bed?

I didn't test before bed.

This conversation got me a little squirmy. Was it the shot bloks or was it my frustration about the lackadaisical answer? Those two missing tidbits didn't help me to determine how much insulin to give her for a correction based on how long she'd been high and if she had gone to bed high -- because her sensor ended and she didn't restart it as she knows she should do-just a touch of 3 buttons-and she didn't test before bed---the most important test of the day.

Hmmm...........

I gave her a double correction via syringe, put a temporary rate to double up her basals on her pump and we headed upstairs. Those shot bloks had me skipping up the stairs. I couldn't get up them fast enough. I thought, heck, if I won't be running today, I'll skip up the steps. Secretly, I wanted to do the steps again..... with my ipod on. Anyone need anything downstairs?? I'll get it!

I sat on Betsey's white fluffy rug next to her bed as she rocked back and forth, breathing in this almost chant-like thing she does, trying not to think about having to throw up. Her breathing changes as she realizes those nasty little ketones are getting the best of her.

Hayley's alarm goes off, and in my shot blok-ed state, it was downright comical to witness her starting her day. At almost 16, it's not something I am privy to often. She tossed the pink and white and black zebra covers off of her, threw her legs over the side of the bed, and in 4 very quick, very rehearsed steps, narrowly missing Betsey legs on the trundle beneath her, she made a dash to silence the annoying buzz that was calling her out of her slumber half way across the room. This happened 2 more times before Betsey and I made our way to the bathroom.

I had to pull Betsey off the bed. Her body almost seizes up. It's too painful for her to move when she knows she has to visit the throne. We just made it to the bathroom.

It takes everything out of her. Everything.

The day pretty much went downhill from there. I drove her to school after getting her down to about 230 mg/dl thinking she was on the down slope. Lunch time call from the nurse let me know she was well over 400 again and I was out and about and said I was coming to get her.

Basically, we spent the day testing every hour, putting on temporary rates to double her insulin basal rates, and I injected her with double corrections - all day long! She probably got quadruple the amount of insulin she gets on a regular basis.

3 site changes, 3 reservoir cartridge changes, a call to Yale and to Minimed to check the pump for malfunctioning, and she was finally a decent 131 at dinner.

Wow.

I plan to be up every 2 hours checking her because inevitably, she'll be low all night from all the insulin catching up with her.

Betsey is 12 years old. She has a lifelong condition that requires monitoring and attention 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. No break. EVER. If you slip, it can be tough to get back on track. If you slip and slide, it can make you sick. Today, Betsey slipped and slid.

She wants so much for me to be off her back, letting her do her thing, stop hovering her.... But she isn't responsible enough, nor should she be or should I expect her to be, nor is she knowledgeable enough to be able to make the decisions she wants to....alone. There is such a fine line with this crap and I honestly don't know where it is.

Do I step back, allow her to make these decisions, and then watch in the shadows the morning after a violent trip to the toilet because she didn't replace her cartridge before bed even though the pump alerted her three times to do so... and watch her cry, throw up, fall asleep from the exhaustion, slowly work herself back to "normal" and hope she understands and gets it? Or do I try and help prevent it..... always do it for her for now... Deal with her hating me always in her face. Deal with the snide comments, the looks, the mumbling under her breath...

Which is worse? It's the lesser or two evils really. And I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. Where is the balance? Where is the handbook on how to deal with a 12 year old beautiful, smart, funny, independent, diabetic Betsey?

Hello? I didn't get my copy.

I am at a point in the care of Betsey and her diabetes where I don't know what I'm doing.

There. I said it.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I hope tomorrow is better. It has to be, right?

I'd like to have 3 shot bloks in the early morning hours, get some use out of that caffeine, and Betsey to have decent numbers all day! Please.

Wonders Never Cease....

I'm finding it hard to find time to write lately. School and all the activities that come with it are in full swing and my days are busy... Even on the days where I have "nothing" going on until the afternoons with sports, I find myself looking at the clock at 2pm and wondering where the heck the day went, thinking about all the things I didn't get done. A few loads of laundry, regular housework, phone calls, an errand or 2 and in-between play time with the "baby" -- somehow the day escapes me so quickly.

Betsey had her Yale check up on Wednesday this past week. As I filled in her chart the night before with blood sugar numbers from her meter, there were more missing numbers than I thought there would be. I record a blood sugar number for breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner and bedtime. She'll test in between those times as needed: gym, after school before soccer, right before she plays in a game, etc. but I only record those set times of day on her chart.

Betsey asked me about a month ago during one of her phone calls home for morning snack, if she could start only calling me if she was running high or low or before gym if her blood sugar left her perplexed as to what to do (have a snack, put on a temporary rate, correct a high, etc.) If her number was OK, she wanted to be able to just carry on. I was OK with it and relayed the info to the school nurse. I stressed to her that she still had to test, had to "meter her BG" (enter a blood sugar number into her pump for calibrating the CGMS to keep the readings accurate) and be responsible. She's old enough to handle this, and I was happy she initiated it.

I look at the numbers on the chart we keep for patterns of highs and lows and adjust her basal rates on her pump accordingly. Sometimes it's a weekly adjustment, other times we sail along for over a month and things are OK.

So when I noticed some very important numbers missing; morning snack, lunch, bedtime...? I wasn't too happy. I have been trying really hard to relinquish some of the control with her diabetes and pass it onto her as she requests and I feel comfortable. I'm trying not to nag as much to test. I try not to grab her pump and look through it for information. I've just kind of been watching. Sometimes biting my cheek knowing she's not quite in tuned as I'd like her to be. Overall, she's doing a fine job.

The most important number of the day is a bedtime one. It's the number she's going to sleep with, the one that sort of indicates how the night will go, or at least makes me feel like it's an indication of how the night will go. Of course, the reality is, diabetes is not predictable at all like that.

So when I see no lunch numbers popping up in her meter and no bedtime ones, knowing that I always ask for a bedtime number and she always gives me one, I realized she's playing me. She gives me a number she "thinks" she is if she doesn't feel like testing or the number her CGMS is showing on her pump -- it's accurate, but not as accurate as a finger stick.

We show up for clinic and meet with Andrea, (pronounced An-DRA-uh) whom Betsey is quite fond of. She actually whispered to me in the waiting room that she "hoped we get Andrea!" It takes Betsey a while to warm up to someone and she is finally warming up to Andrea. A good thing. I want her to feel comfortable as she gets a little older to be able to discuss diabetes nonsense with someone from Yale if she doesn't want to discuss it with me.

As I've mentioned before in my blog, the A1c test is one of the first things done at the appointment and I anxiously await the results - it's the main reason for going for the quarterly visits. I never know what to expect, and I don't think Betsey does either. I think we both always expect the worst. Then, no matter what, we're pleasantly surprised when the % is lower.

6.3%

What??!

I looked at Betsey. My mouth open. What??! Her last visit she was 6%.

Her little round face turned red, she was smiling with the pink elastics on her braces, giving me the classic, "Toldja so" look.

I was shocked.

Here's my thinking..... First, the CGMS is so beneficial-I love having it. It gives readings of constant "blood sugars" and a much better picture of how Betsey reacts to foods, exercise, stress, weather... It helps keep her close to her target blood glucose of 100 mg/dl and we can fine tune insulin dosages for her. And I really think what I mentioned in my post How We Do Diabetes about being so tight with her control, her loosey goosey ways, leave enough wiggle room for everything to still remain tight for a decent A1c.

Just my guess.

Maybe to all the "seasoned" parents of diabetics, and the diabetics themselves, it's an ignorant statement. I don't know. But whatever it is, it's working and I am psyched!

Oddly enough, part of me was........ not disappointed, but concerned maybe that it wasn't higher so I could have had the "Toldja so" look . I had gotten on Bets about the missing numbers and lack of testing. I figured the carelessness was going to be evident in the test results.

Not this visit.

I just love her to bits.... I want her to live a long, long time. This is why I am that diabetic kid's mom...the annoying one. And 6.3% is damn good.

Another pleasant note --- She and her sister Libs are running their first official road race tomorrow! It's a short and flat 5K and I am so happy about it!! At the end of the summer, 2 of our children did a "Mighty Kids Triathlon" with a group of their friends--it was extremely rewarding to watch, very inspiring and a pleasure to photograph! That post next!

Good Luck to Betsey & Libby in their first timed run tomorrow!!!!

Hartford Marathon

This weekend was a big weekend in terms of accomplishments!

My brother in law, who 6 months ago, was a donut-lovin member of the HPD, ran the Hartford Marathon!!

Four months ago, I brought him out on a training adventure to help prepare him for the Niantic Bay Tri that he had signed up to do. He couldn't put his face in the water and the slightly less than 1/2 mile swim at T&L's Training Camp was almost enough to completely tire him out. I thought, wow, he better kick it up a little if he wants to do this race in a few weeks!

That same day we did a quick transition and headed onto our bikes for a speedy 12-15 mile loop, and as soon as we got on the main road, he completely wiped out on his bike and busted up his knee. He did the ride with me, but it was not smooth.

The NBT came and went; he finished with great time!!

He then signed up for an olympic distance triathlon in CT and then the marathon in Hartford.

Unbelievable. He is now a 30 pounds or so lighter, and a fit member of the HPD - a role model for all his peers. Job well done LDS!

A few friends ran the half marathon in Hartford this weekend as well, and I'll admit, I kind of wanted to do another one after the Niantic one I just did. The timing just wasn't right.

Hawaii's World Championship Ironman was in Kona also on Sunday, and I had the video streaming live on one of the computers all day. As I came and went I caught snippets of it. It made me nervous, excited and anxious for the next season to start.... not that I have any desire to do a full Ironman...... buuuuuut Amy has officially signed up for Louisville 2010!!! I believe it is the same weekend for the 2010 JDRF ride, so I plan on hopping a plane down there to see her cross the finish line after I bike the century. If I'm not participating in it, I certainly wouldn't miss her finishing for anything!!

As the "off season" draws near, it's hard to slow down and regroup - there's a balance to be found, and I can't quite figure it out........

So I decided to sign Speedo and I up for ballroom dancing ..... It starts this week.

I can not dance. At all. Not even the hokey pokey.

Should be interesting......

Niantic Bay Half Marathon

On Sunday Jen, Jill, Kerry, Robyn & I ran the Niantic Bay Half Marathon! They forecasted rain and boy did we get rain!

We managed to stay somewhat dry until the race began. I worried about the wetness affecting my run, but it actually didn't in the least. It sort of felt good because the air was somewhat humid and heavy, and the rain was like a pleasant summer shower.

Alright, not really, but it was all good.

Amy's husband was doing the 5K run that started just before the Half, and so Speedo had a double reason for coming over with the children.

And then there are little thigs like ketones that change plans up a bit.

Betsey's pump was alarming when I got up and Speedo ran in to test her. She was high. Hovering 400. Site change was Saturday and as I try and relinquish some of the control, site change doesn't always happen as it should - not to say I remembered every time myself, but with the responsibility on Betsey, she tends to poo-poo it and let it go.

And then we have problems.....

Like high blood sugars.

I grabbed a new site for her, and she wanted to change it herself. She was high before bed as well and this should have been an clear indication that she should have changed her site last night.

Relinquishing control. Finding out where the boundaries are. When to let it go......

She corrected the high with a bolus from her pump. I made sure she didn't feel sick to her stomach because I was leaving. She said she felt fine. I double checked. She was good.

I got a call from Speedo about 6 minutes into our car ride over to the race. Betsey felt sick. Jen immediately asked if I wanted to go back home. I talked it out with Speedo and then Betsey. We concocted a plan, set things in motion to get her sugar down quickly. I instructed Speedo to give her a shot, put on the temporary rate on her pump.

Start the flushing. Ketones were obviously present, though maybe not in too large quantities. She didn't think she was going to get sick (throw up.) This was good. This made me feel a bit better about being away from her.

I have never not been with Betsey when she has had ketones. Ever. One time I was in the pool early in the morning and she woke up sick and I jolted out of the pool to go home. She usually wants her Mom. The thought of going home came into my head, and left as quickly as it came when Betsey said she wasn't going to throw up. I spoke with her several more times before the race began and Speedo decided they'd stay home because of the way the morning had gone. If Betsey was out and about and then felt nauseous, it wouldn't be a good thing. Ketone induced sickness is so bad. She feels downright near death.

A final check of Betsey's sugar before the race and it was on its way down, just under 300 mg/dl so I gave out more instructions, felt comfortable because she didn't feel sick anymore, put the phone away and headed out for a final bathroom run.

The race was a double loop through a really pretty part of the town, around the water and through a cute little neighborhood. I was surprised and happy to see John and Jules there on the sidelines cheering us on - in the rain - and Amy's family as well as we came in from the first loop! What a great support group! Jen and I paced together; Jill, Kerry and Robyn going at their own race pace.

The final mile got my knee, but I sucked it up, stopped to stretch a few times and finished in agony, happy to take that final step over the finish mat with Jen right by my side! I got some ice and iced it the rest of the day.

I felt great the whole run! It was a great slow pace, very comfortable and I could have run more had my knee not acted up! I told Jen we're doing a full one next year-26.2! For sure! What a fun day!

The biggest surprise was to see my family at the finish line yelling and screaming!! Speedo had stabilized Betsey and packed them all up to come over for the finish! I was thrilled they could make it for that final stretch!

It was a great morning - despite the soggies and sickies. I can't wait for a few more faster and shorter distance road races this year, and then to officially be on the "off season" and "rest." ;)

Triabetic John Kennedy

John Kennedy is a type 1 diabetic, diagnosed in his mid 20's. He started doing triathlons because of his diabetes. He just completed Ironman Louisville, 2009! I listened to an audio clip of him telling about his beginning trainings for Sprint Tri's, to Half Ironman and then to a Full. He has done several Full Iroman distances and loves the challenge. He has an amazing zest for living life to it's fullest despite obstacles. This is adversity at it's finest.

Thank you Amy for forwarding the website - always thinking of me and Bets!

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Leaves of Bluegrass---Ironman Louisville 2009
by John Kennedy

These bodies, these shapes, this variance of lean
and long surround me in a dance along this mighty body of water
waiting, heart pounding, mind racing
and suddenly the line unfurls no more.

The dance commences with a leap,
I am in this mud with them, my choice,
to play along the banks, in the felled trees,
swimming, slashing, breathinglosing sight of the line.

A canoe, a realization, a new direction
lost time on a long day, you spot the orange signpost
and you breathe, and twist, and crank the arms
Realigned at last.

More signposts, and now a turn
but large obstacles remain around you,
not trees, but human flesh, and motion stops,
and the line becomes uneven again.

You kick the legs more, no neoprene assist today
and they scream back in knotted pain
"You will suffer in this mud my friend"
No, I am not disappointed. There, I said it.

Under a bridge and then another,
and then a turn left to the shore
Up the steps and out of the Ohio, fully baptized
I leave behind a lifeline and friend.

I scamper to the tents of bodies
and then -- realization -- a replacement part
left behind, I retrace my path back to my friend
to retrieve a pancreas on a string.

Back to the endurance circus
I unfurl and refurl into a new costume
Shoes clipped on, Triabetes Man emerges
from the Big Top to mount a two-wheeled horse.

The crowd dissolves into background noise
Fully extended, metamorphosed insect-like
across this aluminum, self propelled revolution
You find her, Elusive Cadence, ahhh…

As the kilometers drift, the grades shift upward
Oh you beautiful, neglected small cogs
You and I will become intimate today
A healthy tension binds us - climbing, grinding, overcoming.

Thirty six miles and a goodie bag
A smile exchanged for another thirty six
of sustenance, the crowd erupts with any
reciprocation delivered.

I am alive, I remind my passengers
In this sweet Kentucky air, I am raw with life
A horse, another hill, a woman by the road
Whispering yet I hear her.

Flickers of existence, of lives lived and long gone
All around, in everything, it is my oxygen
An old man cutting grass, stops and
takes a moment to share one with me.

Bananas and smiles and devils
Waiting peak-side as congratulatory gifts
A connection through a water bottle
then another descent into the quiet.

A last loop ties the bind and I leave it
This humanity of hills that gave more
than it took, and I lay across my frame
as a cityscape emerges in the foreground.

One hundred-ten and now two more
A trickle becomes a torrent of humanity
The circus is back in town as Triabetes Man
dismounts into the tent one final time.

Left behind, again, another lifeline
So tight our bind had become, I left
a part of me affixed to my horse
Lost time, yet there is none without it

Retrieved, I reattach and reemerge
from the tent, transformed into runner
My final dance will be a slow burn
I will miss nothing. I will feel everything.

Over the Ohio instead of in it,
The Lady nods knowingly, one mile minus 26
The endorphin kick discarded like a gel
I am alone in the multitude

Two miles then 4; a pattern unfolds
Tents packed with smiles bearing sugar and carbs
like giant buoys to run and cling to
I will not forsake them.

Oh the slow cadence of this dance
Deliberate and not, contrived but real
The body informs the mind
tho a prod delivers little payoff.

The darkness of my soul, revealed
at mile markers not halfway home
Just keep moving, the mind instructs
But the body shrugs its own answer.

Ten miles in and a turnaround
Back into town, the loop winds out again
And suddenly, Patience makes an appearance
with a push from the crowd.

Oh Patience, what wonderful fruits you bear!
You fluster me with that deliberate tone
And Pace may have abandoned me, but not you
You waited, as always.

A look around and the suffering fruit is ripe
A man bent over, lungs heaving out life
A hamstring torn, a calf tightened into a fist
A face contorted. A door shuts.

The body delivers its truth uncensored
A volcano of agony and ecstasy
Rising from muscle and tendon to nerve
Then quiet. The mind empties. The path narrows.

Pace reunites with ten kilometers to go I breathe,
I turnover the legs, I exhale
At mile 24, I'm racing Dusk
A curtain pulls down in a whisper.

A final turn and Lady Louisville greets me
Oh what I sacrificed to see her
Oh what sweet sweat, the hours spent
In voluntary confinement, absent.

Yet here we were all along
Tethered and bound together
In everything, in everyone
In suffering and exaltation

In this beautiful, imperfect body
In this organ on a string
In this muddy river
In the roadside whispers

In the multitude of flesh
In this finishing line
In this flicker of existence
In these leaves of bluegrass

Here we were all along
Living, and laughing, and dancing

We miss Summer.

Beautiful Libby
Annual Mile Creek End of Summer Toasting Shmellows

Date Night

Hayls & Greta at Clinton Road Race

Watch Hill with the McEnery's

Watch Hill Carousel

Tookie runs the beach

GoGo in Mommy's glasses

Beautiful Hayley

The line up

In front of one of my favorite shops

Speedo naps

One last Beach Dinner Night

Whoopie Pies....

...are evil. I should not make them because they CALL me from the counter. They beg me to eat them. They pretty much stare at me from the pretty white shell platter they sit on, mocking me for looking and not touching.

And whenever I throw in extra mileage on foot or the bike, or do a great brick, I have a "good eats" day - one day where I can have a few extra calories because I burned extra.

Like 3 LARGE homemade whoopie pies. EXTRA large.

Bad bad bad. I can smell them in my sleep.

Guess this means one thing... I'll have to eat the rest of them tomorrow so they're not around to bother me. Damn things.

5,500

That's approximately how many calories I burned on the ride! WoW!

• 100 miles, 5,500 calories!
• $4200+ total amount I raised! THANK YOU!
• $54,000+ total amount our team raised!

Email me if you're interested in joining our team for next years ride!!

Diabetes Good -?

Every few months, it dawns on me... things are good. Diabetes good.

But is that.... too good?

This morning I set out really early, in the dark, when-the-monsters-are-out-dark, with 3 girlfriends for a longer run to prep for our half marathon coming up. It was chilly, fall weather, great for running... but dark. My pupils must have been super dilated trying to find my running legs through the darkness. It took a lot more concentration than I'm used to for some reason. And my legs are tired. I think they are still recovering from VT. I put one leg in front of the other for 7 miles, 1 mile short of what we planned, but the clock was ticking. That morning rush at our house for 2 hours while 3 different bus times come and go is insanely robotic and ridiculously loud and busy. And that's putting it mildly.

When I run, unlike biking or swimming when my mind is more on form and performance, I think of things... usually good things and I find it realxing. The music I choose for each run sets the pace for me and it usually dictates my thoughts. I seldom have a run where I am thinking about bills, or my list of things to do for the day, shopping returns, school notices, diabetes.... the run for me is all good. Happy thoughts. I tend to smile randomly, let out an occasional war whoop and maybe a little jig tossed in now and then - depending on with whom I am running. One day I really want to cartwheeel mid run, but I gotta admit, while I've thought about it almost every run, the idea of one of my limbs giving way mid flight overpowers the need to cartwheel at any moment. No thanks.

This morning it took a while for me to enter into "good thought" mode because of the darkness. When I finally did, I was thinking good thoughts about.... diabetes. What?

Things are good right now. Betsey started school, 7th grade, and she's showing more responsibility with her diabetes management. All as I am slowly releasing that firm grip I have on her tubing, for lack of a better phrase.

I always have my cell phone with me still for the calls that inevitably come, a few times a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I am always aware of where I am going and how far from town in the event I am needed by her. My level of awareness and thought of Betsey is "heightened" on gym days. I am always "on" still, but I feel less stress about it somehow. Betsey has shown some signs of taking care of things herself. She started the soccer try outs this week and managed to meet up with the nurse after school for the necessary supplies for the soccer field and has tested appropriately, called or texted me with numbers and messages, eaten as he should to keep her sugar sustained, and re-adjusts the pump as needed after practice.

Now we're only on day 3 of this.......... but so far, so good.

As far as the school day... same thing. She's taking charge of the adjustments as needed and doing a very good job.

Things are good. Diabetes good.

So on my run, while I'm thinking of this, I'm smiling because Betsey has started to "grow up" with her diabetes.

And then it hit me.

When things are "diabetes good" there is a bump in the road soon to come. I am not saying this to jinx it. This is the way it is. I get comfortable, as much as I can, I sail along, Betsey sails along... and then we get slammed. As soon as you let your guard down, it all flip flops. It's just the way it is.

I stopped smiling. I started replaying in my head what we do in the event of a "diabetes crisis" and how we manage all the other little people.

The hospital stays.

The calls to Yale trying to figure it out.

The stress that hovers in our house when something is not "diabetes good."

I hate that. I hate it for Betsey.

So my run this morning had some unpleasant realities for me. My legs were tired; they were asking me to stop but I carried on for the 7 miles. I came out on the other side. My memory was reminding me that life throws curve balls. Just as it was dark and I had to adjust to the darkness and accommodate my legs and mind until I could see the morning sunrise, diabetes will throw a curve ball, and I'll have to adjust my stance, accommodate Betsey, my family and our life to get through until we are back on track.

Just a reality-check run, I guess.

Maybe I'll rename that running mix.....

Labor Day Weekend

I am torn about whether or not to keep on blogging..... I kind of like it for an outlet, but ... the ride is over.... I'm still deciding...

I ran 10 miles with Jen and Amy this morning - great cool weather for running here on the shore in CT! Jen and I have the half marathon in less than 3 weeks and we're pretty ready for it! I'm excited to run it!

Yesterday our friends Ted & Lauren held a Tri-B-Q at their home, 7 o'clock in the morning-a one-of-a-kind event and a boat load of fun! It was a sprint triathlon distance followed by breakfast goodies galore! Everyone contributed something in terms of the planning and organizing and the nibbles. It worked out beautifully!! It's amazing to me that in such a big, diverse group of friends and athletes, we can all come together and put on a shin dig like this and have it run so smoothly.

We had 7 teams of 3 people each; one for each leg of the tri; swim, bike, run. There were rules, a transition area, prizes for each team and even long sleeve t-shirts with the logo on them handed out. All the kiddies there got t's with RACE CREW printed on back, and our friend Tracy was the official photographer! we even had a husband in the kayak out in the water making sure all the swimmers were safe.

Amy & Jules, while on different teams, thought alike and brought FLIPPERS to swim in for their leg of the race and destroyed even our fastest swimmers in the group! They were #2 and #3 out of the water!! The rules did not state "no flippers" so while they claim they didn't officially "cheat," I beg to differ. I already have a plan for next year on how to conquer the race and have my team win!!

Our team which included myself, Speedo and Lauren, dressed as superheroes! Speedo was Captain America and Lauren and I were his posse in matching girl costumes! Very fresh and almost not kiddie-appropriate but fun none the less. Other teams got in the spirit, too, and we had some in togas, some in girlie fairy costumes, and some in the race gear ready to battle.

I did my bike leg in costume and had a couple of lawn boys on my route looking at me as if I had just escaped from a mental hospital!!! My brother in law was in front of me for the bike course and then following him was Heather dressed as a fairy. At one point on the route, there was a man standing outside his home, and my brother in law told me after the ride, that as he rode by this man, he said, "Help me!! I have a fairy and a superhero chasing me!"

So the man must have thought he was totally nuts.... until Heather and I pedaled by in costume!!

It was only a 12 mile bike ride, and early in the morning so traffic wasn't terrible, and the costumes added that much more pizazz to the event!

The party was a nice end-of-the-season get together. As Fall draws near, the days are getting shorter and the light in the mornings is dwindling. It just reminds us that soon we'll be back in the pool, inside the gym and our days outside are numbered. :( A big bummer. I hope to have some pictures of the Tri-B-Q this week!

Tomorrow we're headed out early for a group ride. I very much look forward to our group rides especially since we're not all really training for anything at this point. There's a couple of folks doing the last 2 tri's coming up this season, but besides that, it's all for fun now. It makes the rides very enjoyable. No pressure to go hard - though we usually do anyway. After all, what's that phrase one of my trainers told me once? Go Hard or Go Home!

There's always a chance to rest on your day off! :)

The Ride!

I am really finding time to be my enemy these days. The children started school on Monday. This year I have 5 in school full time, 3 different schools, and next week Gogo starts nurser y school; so 6 in 4 schools! Without going into a laundry list of how I try (key word) and keep things organized, I have 3 calendars and 1 weekly dry erase board with daily events as a double reminder! If something is happening and it's not written on the dry erase board, no matter how many times it's on the other calendars, forget it! So amidst everything going on, I have been plugging away at this recap...

The weekend in VT was a difficult time to get away with school starting the next day. But we're managing... my head is juuuust above the water .... barely.

When we left on Thursday for the road trip to VT, my head was filled with many, many thoughts; thoughts of Sunday afternoon and prepping for school the next day, laundry catch up, future organizing when all the children are off and out the door (READ: throwing away toys that are never used without them knowing), laundry catch up, the group I'd be meeting up with in the next few hours and how much I love them and enjoy their company and respect what they were going to be enduring with me in the next few days, and of course, the ride on Saturday which was the biggest replay in my head. Well, that and the laundry catch up.

I can not stress enough, nor say enough how grateful I am to have this group of crazy people in my life. They have opened my eyes to new and different things. The give and take we all have with each other is such an equal part of the whole relationship, as a group, and as individuals. The support is unconditional. It's truly remarkable and I think they'd all agree to every thing I just said. Every one of them.

When the idea was tossed around about doing a charity ride because we all love to ride so much, I was luke warm to it. Another event? Wow. Maybe.... Then someone mentioned the JDRF ride that they had heard a mutual friend had done and was involved in - this was Tim's boss and friend, Paul's friend, Steve. Got that? ;)

I piped right in about how much that would mean to me personally, and shared a smidgy of Betsey with all of them through email, and form that note, it was done and people hopped on board and we rallied together to form this group to do this ride. Myself, I was in it for Betsey completely. It was a little hard for me, honestly... it kind of brought up all the feelings that hurt about diabetes. What feelings don't really? It's a sadness that doesn't go away no matter how many times I can giggle about other things, and smile at anything. There will always be a sadness that lingers - not just for me, but for Betsey, too, and her siblings, and her Daddy.

We had a meeting with Steve at a local favorite hook up. We discussed the basics, he gave me a JDRF jersey to bring home to Betsey. It had begun.

The Ride to Cure 2009 in Killington was a test of strength, endurance, willpower, and shear determination. You had to be able to take mud splatter to your face, slugs whipping up to you from the tires ahead of you, gravel in your eye, bad roads, wet road conditions, torrential downpours for hours at a time, and barely-there brakes.

Ironically, the rain was significant - it is Betsey's favorite weather! She loves summer, the beach, the heat, but a rainy day is what she's all about. Ever since she was a little girl. So oddly enough, there was some comfort in the wetness. But it was still c-ooo-oo-oold!!!

I woke up early in the wee hours of the morning on Saturday, around 2am and heard the rain coming down and knew, the forecast was right on and we'd be riding in the rain. I had set my alarm for 5:00. Timmy was coming to pick me up for breakfast at 5:35. I fell back asleep for a while until the alarm sounded. I had not planned on the weather being as cold, nor did I plan for the rain, even though I had known it was a possibility. I had gotten in touch with Kurt, our "coach" before he drove up and he was kind enough to bring me some layers, some gloves and some wool socks - which I can NOT believe I wore!! Who would have thought I'd wear someone else's SOCKS of all things, and a man's, none the less, but I was scared of being cold AND wet. So I sucked it up -- thanks Kurt. When Amy got wind of that she said, "Are you actually wearing them?" The shop where that d@mn gondola ride was had some under armour long tights and I purchased those the day before. So I dressed all cozy as I could and hopped in the car with Timmy.

At breakfast, they announced the ride was delayed until 8am. There was hope in the air that the rain would dissipate and conditions would be better by that time. The ride director stressed caution about riding down the first part of the course - a 10 mile downhill descent with terrible roads --pot holes and snakes (thin cracks that tires fit right in!) and all the rain. Dangerous mix! I had driven down the hill and knew part of the length of it and knew at some parts it was steep enough to get some speed, but with wet roads, it could be a disaster.

After Ralph's fall a few weeks ago, I have slowed down considerably on the downhills. I was going to take it really easy and be extra careful.

At 8am we lined up in groups, our group together for the start. The National Anthem was played and a woman who had a very loud opera voice chimed in the words (did everybody hear her?!) And then we were off! My family was on the sidelines, yellow raincoats and rain boots (Hayls in her sandals b/c she didn't need sneakers, they didn't match any of her outfits!) taking pictures cheering us on! Speedo planned on driving the course and meeting up with us at all the rest stops.

The downhill was tough - it was so long, 10 miles going slow makes for a reallllly long hill and my brakes were barely working. Water was splattering all over my face despite how far apart I stayed from other riders. It was raining, and the skies were gray and dark. The roads were not great and it was tough to see to navigate the potholes and divots with the rain and the glare of all the bike lights. It was a miserable morning.

Someone had suggested plastic bags over our socks in our shoes to keep our feet warm and dry. Brilliant idea? Time would tell... So on top of my cold weather/rain gear, I had plastic baggies in my shoes, and a ziploc bag on my head under my helmet. Completely ridiculous looking, totally not attractive, but the point was to stay as dry as we could. Timmy, Louse, & Sheridan had shower caps on over their helmets! It was very funny.

About 7 miles into the downhill, I felt like there was some puddle forming in my shoes... It was wet, cold, and my toes were all wiggly in water. My gloves were sopping wet, my face was mucky, my pants were drenched. And I was so cold!

The first rest stop was a welcome one for my feet! My family was there in the big rig cheering for us as we pulled in! It was very sweet, very touching, and I loved seeing them! Speedo planned on following the course and stopping at all the rest stops to cheer us on! They turned out to be the BEST cheerleading section on the course!!

We all pulled in, regrouped together and I hopped off the bike to check my feet. The baggies in my socks were filled with water despite having tucked the tops into my pant bottoms, and my socks were about 1 pound heavier each, water logged! I took them off, rang them out, and did the same with my gloves. I ended up ringing them out at almost every rest stop.

We got back on the bikes and got into a groove and then ...Timmy got a flat. Mile 17.

It took him 2 tubes to fix it b/c the 1st one was sliced and he didn't know it. The punchies and the sillies began here , which makes everything always so much more fun. Steve is hysterical - the guy has a funny for everything. Just about everything out of his mouth is fresh and sassy. Gotta love it. The guy is like 7 feet tall and has a heart of gold with the mouth of a sailor.

Off we went through some roads that were not paved due to contruction. They were very rpocky and uneven...hard to ride on! We all made that noise out of our mouths as we rode over them like little kids... "ahhhhhhhhhhh!" We wound our way through some slight descents, nothing terrible. The ride felt pretty good, not much climbing at all. Looking back I now know we were pretty much downhill the first 41 miles! Easy.

Our favorite rest stop, and the one that drew a lot of attention at the dinner the night after the ride, there was a group of volunteers, one of them wearing a grass skirt and coconuts on her bosoms dancing! They were cheering "J-D-R-F!" It was a super peppy-make-you-feel-good-stop!

The ride really was pretty when you cold take your eyes off the path to look around, which wasn't often b/c of the hazardous roads. We came to this gorgeous waterfall and stopped to take pictures. It was so breathtaking - I can imagine what it's like on a beautiful sunny day in the Fall with the foliage! The sounds of the water, and nothing else.... very relaxing!

By this point we had all stayed together for the most part, with the exception of Kurt whose job as "Coach" was to ride back and forth, stop for assistance when needed by other riders and make sure no one was left behind. We only saw him a couple times on the ride, and I missed his company. He is such an integral part of our group and I think we all missed having him near as we rode. But I know he took his "job" seriously and he was just the man for it.

Our friend Neil was a part of our group on this ride. I know him from our regular morning spin class with Chris and he had brought along his friend Bruce. I chatted with Bruce on occasion and then caught up with him at the final rest stop before we starting "the climb." Bruce asked me how many miles we were at about at this point. I looked at my computer it was just over 41.

"I've only done 40 miles before," he said. He was smiling because he had surpassed his top mileage and felt good and was going for the full 100. I was happy to encourage him and to remind him to eat and fuel up, gu up, because he wanted to maintain for the 2nd half.

I noticed a man next to me at the rest stop and he was getting his meter out. We made eye contact and instinctively I asked him if he was ok, did he feel ok? He nodded yes, and said he tests his sugar at every rest top just to be safe. This kind of stuff blows my mind! I have a hard enough time balancing Betsey's sugar when she is swimming, playing soccer or tennis... and those times are short periods. We're talking 1-3 hours of vigorous activity. But for this guy to manage his diabetes on a 100 mile ride, maybe 8 hours of exercise?! Throw in the adrenaline, the food intake, the different carbohydrates -- my gosh, I was so enamored with him. And he was not alone - there was a crew of diabetics doing the ride!

So I did it again... I asked him if I could take his picture, would he mind? I told him I was riding for Betsey, I wanted her to see this.... plus, the guy had some funky pants on that probably should be tossed after the ride. You'll see what I mean in the slideshow! But more power to him for 1)riding the ride and 2)sportin' the pants! His sugar by the way, almost at the half way point was 147mg/dl - pretty good!

Someone mentioned to one of the road officials how it seemed as thought the ride was mostly downhill. And I agreed! It was pretty easy up to this point. I think during some of the good runs, we were averaging 24mph just going along. It was great! At the rest stop at 41 miles, I felt really good... Something was up. This was VT. We were in for something. Some kind of hilly treat for sure! The road official mentioned we had some climbing to do and not to worry! No big deal we all thought- we were ready for a climb at this point. Where we were was a point that we'd be coming back to after a loop around to make the ride the distance it was. So off we went, again, the group of us together. But the hills coming would not only separate us, but test us 40+ miles into the ride! Sheridan has a computer that measures the grade of the hills. One of the hills at one point was a 24% grade and one of the other hills, I kid you not, was at least 4 miles long!! It kept going, and going and going. It was gorgeous though, probably the prettiest part of the ride with decent roads. The houses were quaint and well kept, the landscapes were stunning with fields and horses... but the hills were killer! They took a lot out of all of us. But we dug deep, did some swearing and plugged away. After all, we'd been spoiled for the first part of the ride. At one point I wondered if I'd even finish because the hills were that big and long, and at this point in the ride, I didn't know if I had the legs for it. A bonus was that it was dry - the rain has subsided. if only for a little while. We were still damp, but not as water logged.

When we rounded the corner and ended up back at the same rest stop, I felt the strain of the ride. Fatigue was setting in for me and I was feeling hungrier and more punchy. Timmy mentioned we should start doing the pace line and drafting to be able to conserve and finish well. We had half the ride to go, and we needed to be smart.

The rest of the ride was uphill!

Ahhh, Vermont!

All that lovely downhill to the half way point was nice, for sure. We were going to have to work to get to the end. The finish was half way up the hill to the Killington Resort at a place called the Wobbly Barn. I had driven the hill a few times and knew the last part was going to be a do-or-die for us. I felt the need to have to conserve big time to make it through. I was all about the pace line. The funny thing is, at some points going down the slightest descents (the small climbs we had on the first half) Louse noted how slow we were going. It was like we had flat tires. Our legs were heavy. Bathroom breaks were becoming more frequent. We saw fewer and fewer riders and our group broke up. We were down to 5 of us; Sheridan, Louse, Timmy, John and me. Paul and Steve were just ahead of us.

We hit the rest stop that had the Coconut Boobs and my family was there yet again! They had a run-in with some Vermont-ites in a neighboring house that were not pleased with all their cheering and the JDRF chants going on with cow bells! My children stood their ground, proud to be a part of the event and kept right on cheering! They were awesome!

I was running out of steam by mile 80. My whole body was wet and cold, my hands were pruned and my face was disgustingly dirty! We rounded the corner towards the dirt road and decided to stop for yet another bathroom break and pulled off into some dirt. Timmy was getting tired too. He came to a stop and forgot to un clip. Both feet! He fell to the side, rolled onto his back with the bike standing straight up on top of him! I shouldn't have laughed because I didn't know if he was hurt - he wasn't - but the visual was hysterical party because I was so tired at this point, and partly because of the shower cap on his head! I lost it. Sheridan was laughing, I was laughing, and then I squeaked out an "I'm sorry, Timmy, I shouldn't laugh....are you alright?" He was fine of course and then he started laughing that laugh that is so signature Timmy. Loaf it!

I knew I was falling apart at this point. I was slowly draining and was starting to scrape from the bottom of the barrel. I had grabbed food along the way to restock my supply, but I was fresh out. I needed food. Luckily, John had a power bar in his pocket and offered it to me. I was hungry!

Isn't it funny how we need the sugar for these endurance events, and this one in particular, where sugar is a diabetics worst enemy and their best friend?

The last rest stop I gu'ed up again (gu is gross after about 4 of them, absolutely gross, but for me, essential). I gagged and swallowed hard and just barely got it down. A man held my bike for me as I wobbled over to the bathrooms with Sheridan and a little girl refilled my water bottle. I think they knew at this stop, the riders were exhausted. They were very accommodating!

The pace line on the way back now was crucial. The hills we had to climb were long and steep and never ending. Louse was tired. He was away the week before in St. Louis, and his sleep situation and food intake the week before were less than ideal for preparation for a century ride - in the rain. Plus, he had flown in the night before and gotten into bed in Killington at like 1:00am. He was a trooper. He was riding in honor of his dear friend Carole who lost her life because of complications of type 1. She was young. And she left young children behind. This was a meaningful ride for him and he was as determined as the rest of us to do it. And he raised over $5000! Go Todd!

At one point in the middle of a long climb, Louse fell behind. I kept going and then realized he was farther back than I thought. Timmy was next to me and I told him we had to wait for him. Sheridan and John were plugging away just ahead.

Timmy fell back and tried to get Todd on his wheel for a little pull. Todd didn't have it in him. He was bonking. Timmy said he had to go, he had to move on to make it up the hill, and Todd encouraged him to go without him, that he'd be fine.

I didn't feel good about this. I told Tim that. He said to just go... just keep riding... I don't like it when one of us is dropped, but there was another part of me that was buzzing in my head about my own body. I knew I had to keep going... I had to make my way to the finish. I was tired. My body was hungry and wet and cold. The stupid ziploc baggie on my head was driving me crazy but I coudn't take it off. It was literally one pedal stroke over another at the end. It was really, really hard. I had remembered the race coordinator reminding us at one of the meetings that A)it wasn't a race, and B)that it was our own ride. This stuck with me. At this point in the ride, I had to think about myself, what I needed to do to make it to the end.

Sheridan, John, Timmy and I caught up with Paul and Steve who just kept on going and going. We rode the last part of the ride as a group, but each of us making it our own ride, finding it within oursleves to finish. Sheridan and John were so strong!

We rounded the corner at an intersection that I knew was the final stretch! I saw a man ahead walking up the hill with his bike. I got up beside him, going slow enough to be able to chat for a second. My legs barely moving, they were screaming at me to stop moving...

"Who are you riding for?" I could see a laminated picture on his handle bars.

"My son."

"How old is he?"

"He's 8."

I encouraged him to go, do it for his boy... he could do this! We were SOOO close. Pedal on.... Come on....

In about 2 minutes, he passed me.... he rode on for his boy. Off he went. I started to cry. I lost it. I was riding alone, I was almost done, mileage in the 90's... I cried for Betsey, I cried for that dad, I cried for his boy, I cried because I was having a pity party and I just couldn't stop.

And there came Paul. Right next to me. I'm telling you... the guy has a halo.

"How you doing? You OK?"

"Yea, "I sniffed, "Don't start...."

He rode with me for a minute, dropped back. Next thing I knew, I could see The Wobbly Barn, the finish! Paul blazed past me.... I kicked into high gear and went. I got right up next to him, I was so done, I was so tired, but I was going to finish this, finish strong and kick it! We rode in together, turned into the parking lot and rode past Betsey and Speedo and the family, and we rode under the finish line!!!!

I got off my bike, walked to Paul and we just hugged!

It felt so good to be done! I was emotionally spent and my body was completely toast. But I did it!!! I hugged the children, Betsey, Speedo...

They handed out medals for finishing and I placed mine right on Betsey. The medal was for her.

For her courage.

For her strength.

For all that she does on a regular basis that doesn't even compare to 100 miles in the rain and cold.

Timmy came right in after me, Sheridan, John...

Louse came through shortly after us, making his way up that hill to the finish! I was so proud of him because I didn't know if some of the hills would bite him, and he'd have to be picked up. I should have known better!

Neil and Bruce came in.....Bruce looked right at me under the finish line and said with a HUGE smile on his face, "I did it!" I hugged him and told him I was so proud of him!!! What an accomplishment!!

Other riders finished and as they did they hugged their children whom they rode for, handed them their medals. There was clapping, cheering, tears of joy, tears of sorrow... It was heavy stuff.

Speedo packed up my bike and took the children back to the Resort to warm up; they were cold and tired too. It was a long day for them!

We went into the Wobbly Barn and everyone got celebratory beers. It all caught up with me in there. I sat on the stairs and melted down. I don't know why. It was such a great weekend; the people, the event, the ride, all of it. I just had to let it out, and I couldn't stop. Some woman came from somewhere and gave me a warm fuzzy blanket and I sat with Sheridan for a few trying to regroup.

When everyone finshed their beers, we headed out to watch for Kurt and his wife Sue and her friend Sarah to finish. It was freezing out there! Louse and I huddled in the blanket and Sheridan even got a marathon blanket! I was shivering from head to toe.

Kurt and the girls pulled in about an hour after we did!!! I was very impressed with Sue and Sarah having finished because they are not cyclists - they trained well for the ride, though, and they did it! Job well done!!

We took a shuttle (the one I made fun of the whole time we were there) back to the condo Timmy and Kurt and Louse were staying in and hopped right in the VERY HOT hot tub! Speedo and the kiddies were already there. That hot tub was like climbing onto a cloud in heaven. The noises that came out of me as I sunk into it were not right! When Sheridan and Tim and Todd got in, they made the same sounds!!

We all ended up at the dinner later. Congratulations all around were offered and reward jersey's handed out. One little girl, a 13 year old diabetic had signed on for the ride and finished! A dad and son diabetic had finished. One man had done more than 7 of the rides! One man raised over $24,000 on his own!

It was so inspirational! Such a warm and fuzzy feeling.

I was exhauseted though. I showed up in sweatpants and flippies, and just looked forward to falling asleep.

It was a very rewarding weekend, very positive and uplifting, and a very worthy cause. I am planning on doing it again next year and we're recruiting!! So if anyone's intersted...........

I want to thank all of you that contributed so generously to my ride for Betsey. The donations I received were from the heart and during these tough times, I want you all to know how much I appreciate it. The fundraising is a tough thing -asking people for money- the only thing that made it somewhat OK for me, was knowing that one day, it will make a difference.

Diabetes isn't a death sentence. It doesn't have to be dibilitating. Yes, it could be worse. But that's all relative. The fact is, there are millions of little children living with this disease. And one of them is my daughter. And there is no cure.

Someday I hope you all will be able to share a part of the happiness Betsey will feel when they do find a cure.

And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making this ride successful and making it one step closer to a cure.

xoxo

Be sure to turn your volume up for the slideshow and click FULL SCREEN in the lower right corner of the video screen for best viewing!!

Vermont - Day 2

I honestly don't know where to begin, because the long weekend in VT for the Ride to Cure 2009, was so outstanding, it's really hard to even begin writing about it.

Day 1 we all just got situated. The 8 of us.

Day 2, I headed out and met up with Paul and Steve and some others for breakfast. Steve is the one who got this whole thing rolling. His son is a diabetic and he has done rides in the past in his name. In a round about way, he knew our little group in CT was interested in riding and put the word out to a mutual friend who got us all together and that's when we decided to put our legs to good use, no pun intended. And he's a riot, to boot. Downright punchy and full of it. Tired or not. The man has got it going on.

(Paul, Steve & I at breakfast.)

Paul is.... you know what, I honestly think Paul is a gift from God. There is something about him. He is warm, genuine, honest, fun, loving, caring, and down right loveable! From the first few email exchanges I had with him I just felt like there was something about him. So to spend the weekend here and there with him, and share such an emotional part of the year with him, as well as everyone else, was a very good thing. I admire him greatly.

After breakfast I met up with Speedo and the crew and we headed up to Killington Peak via gondolaaaaaa. (Read: nightmare if you're afraid of heights!) This took up the majority of our day.

When we went to buy the tickets, the girls asked, "One way?" Speedo was thinking, One way? How else are we getting down? Does she think we're going to pack the littles on our backs and mountain bike down the mountain? Maybe hike down the very huge steep cliff or just roll down?? One way?

"No, we need 8 round trips, thanks!"

I didn't realize I was so afraid of heights until we're in this thing and it starts going up a super steep hill and the drop if the thin cable these apparatuses are hanging/rolling on breaks is like 35-40 ft, easily. Egads.

(the view out the back looking down as we went up....)

So the ride starts moving, we start going up, and I was taking pictures, smiling, and saying how much fuuuun it was.... then I realized I was talking really fast and starting to sweat. The gondola was jiggling a bit with every move and every time it crossed a cross bar pole, it made this noise and rattling....

oh --- my ---- gosh!

I think I was pretty pale. I know I was yelling at the kids.

"STOP wiggling!"

"Don't MOOOVE." "Just sit still, ok honey?"

"Let's not talk...... JUST sit still...AWAY from the door!!!"

"Did you hear that??? WHAT was that??!"

This went on for about 8 minutes. Worst ride of my life. I think I may have soiled myself if I had to stay on any longer. Seriously. That phrase, "I almost s*** myself" would have been more than a phrase and quite the embarrassing story for my poor, brave, non height afraid children who mocked me the rest of the weekend and rolled their eyes when re-telling the gondolaaaa story.

I have skied before many times and I fly (not well) ... but something about this gondolaaaaaa.... Wow. Almost sent me over the edge. And that wasn't the end of it.

We finally get to the top and it is absolutely breathtaking. They had a deck off a restaurant up there where you could take in a panoramic view. The problem was the height of the railing wasn't high enough to my standards. It was at below chest level for me, and juuuust low enough for the littles to be able to reach up and hoist themselves up to take a peak at the view, and if they hoisted too high, well, we'd be down a few kids.... I was "on" and fidgety constantly doing counts of the 6 of them, and keeping the 2 littles from running too fast, too far. They were exhausted to begin with, so wobbly on their tired feet at high altitudes and not high enough railings made me a little noivus!

(Greta reallllly close to that railing...)

I had my D80 with me and shot away. I am not huge into landscape photography, but these views were stunning.

(A rock with some cool nouns.)

We took a path up to the very peak of Mt. Killington - 4241 ft above sea level.

(At the very tippy top...The hills are alive.....)

The gondola ride down was much more relaxing for some reason.

We found a yummy market for lunch and I had probably the best Caesar chicken garlic wrap ever! Maybe it was because I was starving at that point and it was well past lunch time, but either way, it hit the spot.

After we ate, we met up with Tim and went to his pool in his condo unit, an indoor heated pool, and went for a swim before dinner. The children would swim all day if I let them.

We weaseled the kids into dinner, the big "carb load" dinner before the ride. No one said anything, and I think a lot of families did the same thing. The dinner was lengthy and my crew was quite tired but they held it together very well. There were plenty f speakers but the one that touched me most was a woman who works for JDRF. Her name is Moira McCarthy.

(Betsey listening and watching with Sheridan, Paul and Tim.)

(GoGo on like her 5th cannoli!)
(Greta fell asleep.)

She had a powerpoint presentation and was very informative as to where the JDRF money raised goes.... something I was always interested in because of the amount of money raised by them. It is such a huge fundraising organization. Huge. I was pleasantly surprised to learn about some of the ways the money has gone to research and for acknowledgement of some funding having been responsible for implementing certain existing things to help better manage type 1 - all things that will aid in and eventually lead to a cure.

Moira said something that stuck with me. She mentioned at her first meeting with board members, everyone went around the table and introduced themselves. There were some graduates of prestigious colleges, some with PhD's some very distinguished backgrounds, and then it was her turn, and she said, "I'm just an M-O-M."

She is just an M-O-M, but she knows. She understands. She is living it, has lived it, and she can give and bring so much to that table as an M-O-M. That touched me pretty deep. She went on to talk about her close friend, THE friend, the one who always listened to her, the one that was always there to help her, lend a hand, THE friend. Then one day her friend called her... from the hospital.... her own daughter was just diagnosed with type 1.

That feeling she conveyed, that was so personal to me, was so overwhelming. The rush of emotions that flooded me about Betsey's diagnosis day, and the sadness that creeps over me when I hear of another case; the understanding of what the mom of the newly diagnosed is going through. It just about kills me.

I am so happy and honored to have been a part of such an outstanding and well run event this weekend. I am delighted to see the look of contentment on Betsey's face as she looked around the dining room and noticed other moms, dad, and children with pumps, bolusing and testing.

I asked her how she felt.

"How does it make you feel to be here, Bets, to be amoung all these people, so many of them diabetic? To see all the pumps and testing? How does it really make you feel?"

She answered initially with a head gesture, like "I don't know."

She knew I wanted more than that. So I waited and watched her beautiful face as she thought about it. Betsey thinks a lot.

And then she said as she exhaled, "I feel like I'm not alone."